Whether you love it or not,
you have to move on at some point.
Only then the memories hit you and the feelings come back,
you can smell the thoughts you used to have and the way you used to be,
what we're gonna do next still scares me.

By speed and deed I won’t ever forget you,
I still look for solidarity from each and every one of you.
It’s special what we went through, I miss you.

How can the sky still look the same as it always has if I'm older, and it's an even deeper shade of blue.
Years later,
on my own,
fast flashes of memories of when we just couldn’t stop laughing,
and suddenly my heart’s truly broken.

Rosemary blue berry
Red cherry scented fragrance
Stubborn flower found a way to blossom in a vacant basement
Tried to pluck her to grow her in my own garden, told her she’s as rare as a spilt milk that found its way back into the bottle  after suicidal thoughts led it to the pavement
Delivered silence
Her voice was nameless

Rosemary blue berry
Are the words whispered to the girl you want to Mary
Dress in blue, give her a rose let your persistence stain her thoughts like mashed up blue berries do to white collars

Yet be gentle
Her innocence roams the city parks of your thoughts like a wandering toddler
For should she agree to be plucked from her comfort zone
This flower you are to give to you loving daughter

Rosemary blue berry.

i expected you to come. but i didn’t expect to care. i thought the past was, well, the past. but seeing you, was just a whole other story. it felt like i was relapsing. what i thought i had left behind of you, came flooding right back into the conscious sector of my brain. i looked at you for a brief moment and then immediately looked away. i didn’t want you to know, but somehow i got the feeling you already did. seeing you once again made me realize that you were exactly what i craved, the unknown lust in the back of my brain. you were what i wanted, more so what i needed. i looked away as soon as your eyes drifted to mine, but even then you never stopped looking. i tried to stare the other direction, to engage in conversation with my friends, but somehow my eyes always drifted back to yours. i never wanted to look away. and every time our eyes met, it felt like the moment would never end. and i never wanted it to. as i stared into your eyes, i felt a longing, a sorrow, a hatred, and empathy. memories come flooding back, one by one, many good, many awful. all i wanted in that moment was you. but somewhere i knew that i could never have you. my brain tried to make a logical/realistic way that we could maybe work this out and that all would end on a good note, but nothing was coming to me. and then i wondered, how many times must a scab be picked in order for it to scar? because it seemed like no matter how times i picked that scab, disregarding all of the pain and tears, it never seemed to scar. i thought that maybe that meant that one day we could be happy. i should know by now thought that destiny would never let that happen. so hours went by of our eyes meeting and then we would both turn away, almost afraid of what would happen if we were to continue. there were moments aswell where i could see you out of my perifial vision, staring at me with a sense of longing. us being in the same room felt nostalgic. i hated that i still felt this way, that i still love you, even though you have broke me time and time again. tonight we spoke no words to each other, but our eyes spoke sentences. my heart hurts at the fact that this is the way i have to live. in longing. waiting for a love i was denied, many times. cheers my love. **

drops of rain dripping down
my window pane.
no matter how fast they fall,
they never seem to finish.
i wait, slowly and painfully.
i look again at my reflection
on the window.
those aren't raindrops.
now, for whom are these tears?

I miss how the smell of grass made my feet smile
how the sun made my belly tickle
how the waves made my heart jump with fascination
and how I made myself feel safe

How the clear blue sky made my mind full of hope
how the birds made my ears relaxe
how the gravel made my legs extend
how I gave me joy

I miss the summers innocence
mixed with my childish naivety,
when all it took was a day full of summer
for me to be full of light
for me to feel happy

i held pictures of my youth in my hands as i felt my bedroom carpet making designs on the backs of my thighs.
nostalgia,
something that i live off of,
something i can talk about for centuries.
i could talk about the trips with my grandparents to mexico and europe,
how i loved their rv with corduroy seats.
i could talk about the circus and how my parents took my sisters and i every year,
how i begged for cotton candy and cried as i was reminded every year of how beautiful elephants are.
or i could fast forward and talk about the things that are too small to remember like being on google earth in my elementary school's computer lab.
or the smell of the library and how i adore the feeling of the wooden chairs being pulled from the carpet underneath.
i held pictures of my youth,
all baby hairs
and pigtails.
nostalgia,
how i miss it.

When I am bored,
I write poems.
Bored with nothing to do,
Angry,
Action poems,
Bored with nobody to talk to,
Sad,
Dramatic poems.
Bored with no one to listen to,
Miss my love,
Nostalgic poems.
Simply bored and lazy,
In a good mood,
Funny poems.
Bored in a crowd,
Interesting quotes and sayings.

a small, fading hickey on my left
breast
reminds me that
you’re
the
best
even when i’m picking my face
in front of a ***** bathroom mirror
shirtless and un-showered and smelling of
cat ****
you’re the best
even when you’re the worst
even when you scream and criticize and
bleed
you are trying and you’re human and
you
see
me
you’re the best
because you care enough to grab my hand and
hold it
when you see that i’m digging my fingernail
into the side of my thumb
you’re the best
you leave marks on my chest
because i told you that i liked it once,
forever ago