It gets difficult
late at night
when you can't decide
exactly who you want
to hold
in
your
arms.

It gets difficult when
although you know
nothing would change,
and it's not wrong,
you can't quite accept
yourself,
that maybe
you like girls
as much
as you like
boys.

It gets difficult
when you question
everything
about yourself,
when you just wish
you had one word
for how you feel
and who you are
and why your mind
does that
weird little thing
where you
never
seem to
stop
crying.

It gets frustrating when
you couldn't stop staring
at those girls
up on stage,
but when it comes
to cuddling one
or kissing one
or loving one
you want to
so badly
but you're scared.

You're not scared of them
or anyone else-
you're scared of yourself,
like you don't want to admit it
when you've felt differently
for so long
and everything
is now
beginning to
click.

Everything seems new again,
you know what it's like
to love a boy,
and you could do that again,
and you probably will.
But you've never loved a girl,
not truly, anyway
but you know you can
and you want to
because
that'd be
nice.

But everything feels new again,
you're shy
with girls
the way you no longer are
with boys,
you're used to boys at this point,
right now few give you
those same butterflies
even though you still
like them just as much,
if not more.

But girls?
It's scary
and new
and downright nerve wracking
and just
so difficult
and confusing,
though you know
you could love a girl
like you could love
anyone.

Because you know yourself.
You could love
anyone.

There is a poem
I've been trying to write
about love, but
I could never reiterate
the way my soul craves yours

So, instead I'll talk about
the way I've bit my nails
ever since I can remember

You see,
this has always been
my nervous habit,
but now,
my nails are long enough
to draw blood from your back
as you ****** into me

I remember growing up,
wondering why my mother
told me to treat my body
as a temple
After all,
everybody has a body,
what makes mine so special?

I see your body
and it is so beautiful
There is nothing I wouldn't give,
to regain my innocence,
so that I could surely
be pure
for you

The first time,
I tried to describe our love
I had flashbacks
of my last family vacation,
before the divorce
I saw my dad,
dancing with my mother,
as the sunset
over the ocean

If only I could convey
the way your lips
brush against my naked face...
I can hardly think of anything
other than your hands
around my hips
While your eyes are stuck
on all the parts of me,
I have yet learned to love,

Cliche seems to be
the only language my
hands can compose,
but,
oh, are you my someone

If I asked you
if you'd maybe like to try something
some time,
would you say yes?

Because honestly I've been looking
and I've been spending time
and you're really cute,
and I just...

Your answer is probably no,
and I know I should say something
anyway, just in case it's not,
but would you even care?

I don't even know for sure if I'm into you
and it's kind of childish to stay quiet
and I know that,
I kind of wish I knew for sure.

I don't know if you'll ever see this
and even if you do
you won't know who it's for
and that's probably best.

So please ignore this poem
because it's not even really a poem-
it's my rambling
of things I'm too scared to say.

I'm just putting it here
because I don't know how else to get it out
because I can't talk
to people about this in person.