oh, how tongue tied you make me.
just the thought of your pretty fingers
encompassing my own
or your gentle hands
wrapping around my waist
is enough
to awaken the butterflies
from their place of rest
up to my lips,
only wanting to feel
the warmth of yours.

Well, I've come up with my diagnosis,
And I believe that you are infected.
Yes, indeed, it's a parasite, in fact,
But don't you worry. It can be dealt with.
Unfortunately, it cannot be cured.

Do you perhaps remember feeling
That you could do anything as a child?
Do you remember internalizing
The confidence and power that youth brought?
Do recall those sensations?

I can predict the rest. Someone stopped you,
Told you to think realistically.
Put you down, causing you to doubt yourself.
Doubt. That is what you are infected with.
And as of then, it has been part of you.

it squeezes
the meaty flesh
between my lungs.

that *****
that tissue
those cells
electric with these
waves of nervousness
wrapping their tendrils
and gripping, too tightly.

is it nervousness?
when i am nervous,
i know what to do with it.
i know how to use it.
this is not nervousness.

anxiety took root in my heart
years ago
and it still clutches
at the space where i
imagine my soul to be.

My mind is like a race track, every thought trying to be the first to cross my mind

Will it be the one who's positive, the confident one, the one where everything is going to be alright, the one that makes me smile and determined to keep going forward

Will it be the one who's negative, through one saying that it won't turn out like I want it to. The one that gives me nightmares that I'm not enough

I don't know which thought will win the 17 year long race that's been going on in my life.

I can only hope that the truth will come forward, and that I'll be ready for it

I met the girl I wrote the poem about.
She was absolutely more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.
Gorgeous she is, my heart was ready to shout.
However, I felt so tortured and my mind was maddened.
Not at  the fact the event had happened in a tea shop,
But because I could did not have that guts to ask for her number.
As tormenting it was, she did give a name that she goes by.

Oh, that's right, I have not explained the incident!
I was on a duty and that was to quench a thirst of tea.
As I had walked into the shop, it was not dissonant.
I looked around in the shop, I then saw thee.
She was sitting down at a table alone at the time.
I, however, do not possess such a courage to give her company.
As pity it was, I went ahead and order the drink.

Oddly enough, the shop was empty.
with the exception of the workers, as well as her and I.
With that, there was no line so I walked to the cashier in a hefty
Manner. I ask the cashier, "what is the most exotic drink that can please the eye?"
and the cashier did not respond, or should I say I could not hear her words.
Her voice was rather quiet and hard to understand.
it was rather irritating but I kept my cool.

I had ordered two drinks for some friends.
But I had hit a stump without knowing what to get myself.
Then she gets in the non-existent line and bends
To see why I was struggling. My mind was busted for thinking what to get itself.
But when I took noticed of her I had flustered and apologized.
I told her, " I want to try something exotic could you please help me?"
She kind of laughed, and proceeded to help me.

And she did help me, I felt like I was in the way of her presence.
Even though she most likely didn't feel that, I did for I felt like I was holding up a line that felt like it was leading to the outside door.
But eventually, we both had got our drinks and sat at a window seat with the sun's essence.
Of course I tried to make conversation, but I think I failed very poor
Like. Her friend did show up, and I felt like I should make haste
And so I left.
Within the conversation she did give me a name, and the name she calls herself is "Shay."