I know it looks shallow
But when your drowning
*You'll realize the depth of your mistake

I'm a mistake
I shouldn't be here
I have no place on earth
I should've died on the day of my birth.

I was friended on facebook by a stranger.
Usually this means I went somewhere and inspired someone with my
Personality or
Flirtation to look me up,
Or maybe a friend, of a friend, of a friend, thinks I'm cute and
Stalked my profile.
Maybe, I'm just an attempt at a ******* to this person.
Which I'm normally super okay with,
But here's the thing.
It was a man.
Now, this is not an issue to me, specifically.
I am in fact bisexual, but that's more of a title,
I mean, I've never been
Penetrated, by a man before.
N-not that I wouldn't be.
But we don't call virgins asexual because they haven't had *** yet so,
I just say bi.
Anyway, this man starts the conversation: "hello! with a smiley face."

I over analyze this: "hello! with a smiley face."
What does it mean?!
I stalk his profile.
Is he cute? Not really, but he isn't ugly.
I've never been attracted to men physically anyway it's always the
Personality,
Or icy blue eyes that pull me in.
And this man wears drag and rocks it so I will probably like him.
I don't know why, but I have a thing for lesbians and
Lesbian like things. It's really....
Destructive.
We have a little conversation and It's fairly innocent
Until he hits me with this line:
"Pretty boys down on their luck, is a sight I am unable to stand."

There it is!
I knew it!
This man is flirting with me!
I could smell it from a mile away.
I know this game.
I've been on
His side of this conversation a million times.
But, i've never known what it feels like to be here.
In this weird space, on the other side.
Getting complimented.
I never get complimented!
At most I get a half-hearted handsome after I
Confess my addiction to a woman's beauty.
Never, am I put on such a pedestal.
I mean, this stranger clearly wants their ***** inside of me.
I can think of no higher compliment.

Things escalate very quickly. Too quickly.

"I have a big bed, and I'm ready for a night of boys, *****, and another B word."

I, an idiot, honestly can't think of the third b word.
"Uh... bacon?
Backrubs?"

"No sweetie, *******."
"*******!?"

What did i get myself into? I had
Absolutely no intention of seeing this guy
EVER and now he thinks I want to come over
TONIGHT for
*******

How did I get myself into this?
What did I say?
What possibly could have made him think i was interested?
Is it just because I haven't bluntly said no?
I scroll up and search for an answer.

"You're pretty cute yourself."

****...      
Yup, that'll do it.

He says:
"Mmmmnfff, You're adorable"

These compliments though! I get
Tingles every time he says something like that to me.
It's so nice that it's entirely worth just
Dealing with the creepiness to hear it.

And then I realized....
That this is what it feels like.
This is how woman feel when we ask to
**** before getting to know them.
It's dangerous.
Like jumping off a cliff and hoping for a trampoline.
It's almost, always,
Rocks.

He says:
"Are you familiar with what consent is? because
I've had issues with that."
"Are you going to be one of those straight boys who are just
Wasting my time?
I hate having my time wasted."

I, realizing now what I'd gotten myself into, say:
"As a matter of fact, I am...
Sorry to have wasted your time, but at least I told you now.
A lot of girls don't"

Nothing can compare to the way
your lips touch my body.
The sensational delight,
it feels like soft silk and eating strawberries.
I know you don't, but if you ever would,
think of me laying here.
It's midnight, I'll be up all night
But I know that's not what you want to hear.
I don't drink, but at times like this
I wish I could.
I heard it soothes the brain, numbs your emotions.
I can hear your voice
over one thousand oceans.
I can hear the losses
of one hundred love poems.
Know that giving someone hope
is the best deed to ever do.
The table is turned
and now it's me who's daydreaming of you.

You are as sharp as a knife
When some aren't careful, you could cause them their life
So dangerous yet so fragile and used every day
In the shower, on a hook across from me, you lay

You make me soft as a cloud
Or make me cry out load
You don't last more than 2 weeks
And for the girls that might forget you, get called freaks

So let's please make a deal
And let me express what I feel
If I hold you every night before bed
Don't make my arms and legs turn red

time is the thief
that keeps the future
just out of reach
so my biggest mistake
was to think I knew
what mattered
when I saw it

Sometimes, when I watch the stars
I wonder if they watch us too

I wonder if we, humans, amaze them
Grace the view that they see
Sparkle a light that they admire
Or maybe otherwise
I wonder if we scare them
Upset their lives with our presence
Disgust them with our dark hearts

I wonder if they deem us a splendid beauty
Or a horrible horrible mistake

Not a single thought in my head is my own.
Am I a person or a human clone?
I apologize for the crazy look in my eyes.
I'm still learning the difference between truth and disguise.
Just to remind you, I've been fooled many times,
I'm dull, worthless, and I have no use in this life.
True friends don't use and abuse,
but I fall right into the trap.
Makes me a perfect victim of a heartless attack.
It took me some years to learn,
most people aren't as good as me.
Call me boastful, but at least I get over jealousy.