I didn’t want to miss out
                        I love going to parties

So this is my attempt
                        To find some new friends

I’ll try my best
                        I’m a shy extrovert

It’s a poetic challenge
                       Words and people I love

Where is the wonderful man I married?
The one I loved
The one I cherished
Because he’s not here!

Where is the man who was
Filled with life
Filled with desire
Filled with passion
Because he’s not here!

My heart aches with sorrow
My heart aches with pain
Because he’s not here!

I miss my husband
I miss my lover
I miss my friend
I miss my companion
Because he’s not here!

Things change, people change
But my heart is still the same

All this
Because he’s not here

little things you send over
why am i not getting over
still continuing to crush me over
of those little gestures i thought will be over
what is this spell that i'm under
feeling heartbeats on down under
pumping blood like its all September
i don't wanna end this until December
please do remember
i am on this till forever

There's things I never want to feel again. Not for them. Not for me. Not for no one. Not for no situation. There's things I never wanna see cause it'll be hot flashes of what used to be. Things I used to do. The person I used to cater too. The person I used to be. The person whom I've shed. That ain't me. Thats dead. Those aren't my feelings. Those aren't real. They're not real. I've healed. I've healed. They were. Believe me they were. But not no more. Those feelings don't belong to me, they don't right? Not more, no sir. The one with untended emotional wounds and unmet needs. The one you never tended, prioriorites you didn't feed. They don't belong with the new me. With the new year. With the new skin. They belong with the broken. The old me with kinks, swollen bottom lip. The teary eyed, the big brat. With the small hands that fit perfectly into yours. That's the old me with the old you. May they rest in peace. But they keep me up on nights like this, tell em please stop calling me. Please ** stop calling me.

Vividly pale sunsets,
Houses lined up in a row,
The wind howls on the beach,
The pacific northwest,
My home,
The tide rising and lowering,
The smell of a campfire that once burned so bright,
Smoke still in the air,

Pastel sunrises that I'll never forget.
I miss this.

remember the laughs
how nothing would trigger a giggle
stomach fluttering
smiling eyes
a smack on the shoulder
small touches
talking about nothing meant something
and you said I mattered

it was very fast
leaving traces
leaving lines
of memories
of moments
but eventually
it will fade away
you are the pilot
i am the passenger
it was abrupt
i was drawn and corrupt
wishing i could just jump
right off
right now
not sure if this is my ride
not sure if we are meant
to feel
to me
to you
to be
on the same sky
on the same high
on the same time
actually
all honesty
i just wish you are mine
just for awhile
or if you decide
to be forever by my side

xoxo