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Susana Jan 2021
How could I Let go
When If I take
a step I will leave
My prints behind
And you will follow me,
You will follow me until
I stumble and fall
And crack my head open
The blood slowly flowing
Out of my body
As I try to fight you
Punch you in the groin
Make you leave me alone

How could I stop
To smell the flowers
When if I wonder
You take me by surprise
Grabbing me by the neck
As I gasp for air
And I see nothing but darkness
Nothing but the things I
Did not do
Did not remember
Did not achieve

How could I get rest
When if I dream
You take advantage of me
And paint the thoughts
And images in my head
Black, black as a crow
And it exhausts me a big deal
And as I try to wake up
You shut my eyelids,
Pin me down
And make me watch.
I am touched every night
By the darkness,
The twisted, pale fantasies of an unconscious mind.
I am always the great protector,
Trying to save them from the evil he inflicted upon me.
It never works.
How cruel is it that I can remove him from everywhere
But my mind?
Maha Jan 2021
there is a box of pills under my bed
each one labeled something unpronounceable
and yet
amongst all these bottles
I haven't yet been prescribed reassurance.
about me
I don't even know where to begin with this one - nothing could have prepared me for you.

Nothing.

I KNOW mental health issues are real, but if stigmas are the rain-clouds baby you are a hurricane.

No, more like a tornado, I finally understand why you can only get a few minutes warning to take cover.

No one can predict the sudden build of pressure. It's palpable. Raises every hair on my back it is animal fear, all wide eyes, lizard brain and heartbeats.

You lash out with the coordination of a drunk at the bottom of a bottle, sparing no one in the crossfires

But as fast as it begins, it is over, and I am left shaking teary-eyed in the rubble and ruin wondering if that natural disaster was actually real.

I look around and I can't figure out if I'm Dorothy or the witch beneath the house. And can a twister even hold remorse?

I close my eyes and click my heels three times, wishing I was anywhere but here.
not quite sold on the title
In a world full of deadlines and assignments,
I often wonder if I am getting credit for my life.
Did I pass the exam because I didn't want to die today?
Am I succeeding for inhabiting a level state of consciousness?
Will I be penalized for the fatigue or the anxious habits,
The inevitable compulsions?
Do they see below my skin where the turmoil lays?
Are my bones enough to hold me up under the weight
Of my perfectionism and pressure for success?
Am I too slow or different in a world that demands I exist in a system?
Am I enough in the course of Planet Earth?
Is who I am what they want,
And does it matter?
Is there extra credit for taking a shower and complying with medication?
Professor, did I achieve an A?
Dani Higareda Jan 2021
Those disturbing thoughts no one will ever hear,
And all those mixed emotions cascading into one single fear,
They're monsters that are so atrocious,
Yet so fierce and precious and so ferocious.
They drag me down to the bitter deep,
And drown me when and when I'm not asleep.
I try to wrestle with them and beat them,
But will I ever be free?
Will I ever truly be me?
Those around me call me forgetful, rude, and lazy,
And sensitive, weird, and crazy,
But they don't know about my monsters.
So who are they,
To judge what I think and say?
The monsters fiddle with my mind,
Making me think that happiness I will never find.
It's getting dark inside my mind,
It's time for the monsters to be fed.
The blood trickles down my hands,
And with a "plop" on the water it lands.
The tears stream down my face,
While my thoughts 'round and 'round they pace.
I want to win...
I REALLY want to win.
But the monsters are here,
And they know what I most fear.
I'm screaming, I'm hollering, and I'm taking on my fear,
But the saddest thing is that no one seems to hear.
"Stop it!!!" I scream.
"This is all just a dream!!!"
But deep down I know it's reality
And that by the morning I'll just be one more fatality.
My soul slowly withers away,
Like the sun on a brisk, cold day.
These monsters have won.
They've finally won.
They tormented and tore me apart,
And shattered my soul and broke my heart.
Poor, gentle, innocent soul,
Slayed and slayed until no longer whole.
Dysfunctional and crazy,
Damaged and lazy,
Full of depression and anxiety,
But her struggles never seen by society.
That's when the monsters came,
To take society's blame.
Gone forever she is now,
Gone, too, are the monsters now.
Where's her mind and soul?
Where's her mind and soul?
The monsters...
They're the ones who know.
jon Jan 2021
I don't know what the **** I'm doing with my life,
All I know is I'm higher than a kite.
I can't think straight, the thoughts are taking over my mind,
I can't unwind.
I closed the door, i don't care what you think anymore.
I barricade myself in my head, trapped inside my dark room and crying in bed.
It makes my family sad, they make me feel guilty.
They're sad, yeah, just imagine how I'm ******* feeling.
Emotions are crazy, my lifestyle is hazy and yes I know it's my fault when I go.
I'm self destructive, I want to know what it feels like to be alive.
Because I'm just surviving,
Always fantasizing,
You can laugh and think my writing is stupid,
You have no idea what the **** I've been through.

I've been to hell and back, seen a lot of action.
I'm always looking for a **** distraction.
This is the second part, I'm about to open my heart and open the door.
I'm not smoking dope anymore and I'm getting help from everyone.
I finally feel like I've won.
You can get lost in life easily, and do things that leave you empty.
Some people will have sympathy but most will have empathy.
I lost myself but I found someone new, and I can't wait to see what this person can do.
So many people saying, "I'm proud of you."
I'm proud of me too, that's how I feel.
This journey is how I know God is real.
I sit on the edge of uncertainty
Confused about the world
And about my place in it
Questioning all that I once knew to be true

I feel like I am going to fall off
Fall off the edge of a cliff
Except that this is not a cliff
This is the end of the road and nothing in the abyss

The road ahead is blurred
I do not see anything in my future
I only see something when I turn back
What I see is a road that I was never sure of

I am not alone on the edge, but I feel alone
Because others cannot understand
They seem so full of hope, unlike me
Maybe they see something in the abyss

It is their abyss
Not mine
I am stuck on the edge
I live in my own age of uncertainty
We live in unprecedented times. This poem reflects my personal state at the point of writing. We exist in our own unique reality and everyone is different. We feel differently and see things differently, even though we may inhibit the same physical space.
Marisol Quiroz Jan 2021
i am shattering like glass
as everything around me slips away
reality fragmenting, i reach to grab shards
sharp enough to slit my own wrists

i return to tendencies of self destruction
like returning to an abusive ex
because even when things are bad
there is comfort in the familiarity pain.

— dis(comfort)
Eli Jan 2021
Why can't I
function?

I don't wanna
be trapped

in a mental
dungeon.
My brain is looping too much.
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