I thought about growing up
Then I remembered
I did that a couple of weeks ago
So now what
I watched my old self
It was a wild girl
I once knew how to handle her
Now I just wanted to raise her
It all seemed so pointless
Getting wasted
Talking about seeing you on the other side
Now I think about slamming doors
I want to tell my neighbor how to change his life
To quietly close a door is power
It is control over the air around you
Because you begin to glide
But I don’t think he can do it
Don’t get me wrong
That wild girl looked so good
You never grow out of that
The problem is she wants conversation
And fun
You have to chase her all night
Who has time for that?
While I was thinking about it
I heard some chords on a piano
Everyone was impressed
But I knew it was a trick
It’s called practice
Sometimes it’s just better to leave
It’s better to be your parents
It’s better to be strong
Standing accused of being an adult
It’s amazing
To wake up so bored
Because there is no dread
No secrets
Everything is in front of you
Nothing is watching
Nothing is behind the bush
Nothing is in my hand
Except the longing to touch you
And that’s just it
I can’t grow out of that
It’s like love is always a child
I thought I’d buried it
I saw the flowers drop into the hole
But then they grew
I’d only planted them
Somebody said you were a nice girl
Yeah
You were
I know that
Wild is wild
But nice is loving a cat
And you did
I wondered if she stared out the window
But I know better
Reflection was not her style
Neither was regret
She’d as soon die on a plane crash tomorrow
As grow to be an old lady
It was all life to her
You just live in the moment
Then see what you got at the end of the day
Then forget it
But I couldn’t live like that
I had to assume I was going to survive
For a long time
I don’t want to beg
I don’t want to live in the cheapest place I can find
But I will
If I have to
Because I have before
Before I grew up
It was only a couple of weeks ago
Or years
Or decades
Or another life
It seems I lived one once
I think you were there
Unless it’s a dream
But there’s too much detail
I never sleep that long anyway
It had to be real
That’s why I grew up
Everything a young man needs
Was inside you
And I was there
Inside
And now I walk away
All grown up
Because you were so wild
And I saw myself on the other side
Emerging from the fog of your crazy world
But it was beautiful
Like a morning cloud in a valley
I was in the valley
Now I’m on a hill looking at the cloud
And I know what’s going on down there
Because you’re still there
Because I am an adult
And I hate it

When we were younger
the world was full of vibrant colors
who knew however, that as we grew older
the world would turn black and white

I look at the mirror, someone's staring at me.
I'm eighteen, oh gee.

I get out. Everyone's smiling.
"It's your birthday!", smiles all beaming.

Yet deep down I am filled with worry.
What will my life come to be?

But alas, it is my birthday.
I've noticed how much I've grown.
My face hardly changed,
but I know my actions have shown.

I am now legal.
A great time for most.
No, I will not be chugging down alcohol,
but I will write poetry to sing my songs.

I just want another chance
To grow up
My mind is stirring with the
False hopes of childhood
My pockets are empty
And my soul is tired
They say I still have far to go
But how much further can it be?
I keep slipping on the same slopes
Don't give me lectures
Give me peace

I love the way rain looks when it melts the pavement into glass.
All the trees and lights cast back the tangled road.
Looking out the window during a storm
and bringing your eyes from the street
to the window,
all the water droplets move along to their own rhythm like land *****, ending up a puddle in a stage of full maturity.

I woke up one day
And wanted to say
To all those whom I love
How they lifted me above
All that shame, all that hate
I'm still a kid learning to behave.
With so much love inside I still manage to be selfish,
I have a broken heart that needs to be replenished.
I dread my mistakes and those that others made towards me
I fight to be stronger and regain faith.
I have so much light around me,
my family and friends contributed to it;
and yet I still visit the darkness
transcending pain into emptiness.
To be nice they call me sensible
Truth is I am a coward.
I now see what I should praise
I now feel what I have to offer
I now look at myself and see potential.
I can resist life's mist and feel bliss
In darkness, in struggles and storms
I will lift my sword and grab the evil by its horns!

He wants to run down hills
But his legs won’t cooperate.
He wants to go all night dancing
But 10p.m. is way too late.
He wants to go to Bar-B-Q parties
And eat until he wants to pop
But after a plate of that food
He know he had better stop.

He wants to read a book a day
By a great American author
But he knows after an hour
He’ll be asleep, so why bother?
He wants to go out drinking beer
On Saturday with his buddies
But that was way back before
He turned into a fuddy-duddy.

He used to be able to tell jokes
And leave the guys in stitches.
Now the only stitches he deals with
Are those letting out house britches.
He used to comb his thick burly hair
Into some becoming hairstyles
And now to beat it into some shape
Always takes quite a little while.

He remembers being able to sleep
All the entire night through.
Now, that is simply not what
His old body is going to do.
He’s going to get up at least twice
If he have a drink after three p.m.
Otherwise, it’s off to the john.
He accept this, says, “It’s who I am.”

He has to remind himself a lot
That he’s been around a while
And should be greatly thankful
That he can be this old and smile.
So he doesn’t ***** all that much
That he is no longer all that hot.
He doesn’t count what he no longer has
He celebrates what he’s still got.

There are some, that can see the fine lines between reality and fantasy.
There are others, that do not.
I see it...the fragile space between each depth and line.
I see you.
The creases of smile lines..the crows feet..where sun beat upon your handsome gentle smile in the daylight of a golf game...your hands scrambling to grip the "stick" just right..your head turn toward me..for the look of approval...glancing at me, amidst pines and weeping willows.
Sun down..as it cast shadows upon our silhouettes.
My heart beating..begging to meet the constant drum of yours.
You.
I failed this Love.
But I never failed to see you.
Beyond the chaos.
You are Love.
Pure and seeking for the heart of acceptance.
I've loved you then.. and I always will.
You gave me a piece of you.
I will carry it..all of my days.


Natasha Evans