I always saw change
holding hands with pain
I thought it was scary
and crushing
and hurtful

I thought to myself
"then just let me be
let me cuddle my demons in the darkness
let them take a hold
let them make my choices
let them keep me
in their hands
ready to disappear
no trace left behind"

Let me be abused by darkness
Let it change my thoughts
to keep me chained
to the same ones
that say I'm not good enough
and it would be easier
to just force myself awake
by bleeding out
or falling off
or shutting down

But change doesn't
mean pain in itself
It means rebirth
It means experience
It means growth
It means becoming
who you actually already are
without painful thoughts
like phantoms haunting
your days and mind
and ways of acting
and not taking care of your own self

It means learning
the value of the life
you hold in your hands
and the potential
you hold in yourself

Change doesn't mean pain
Change means light

Beyond meaning, and the Eternal Beauty breathes through me.
The difference between those who have found no meaning or care for no meaning, and I who go beyond meaning isn't important.
But is apparent in their manifest mindfulness.

How can an understanding raised and developed with words cognize what is beyond words?
How can attention directed from an infantile stage be made aware "beyond direction"?
As the very word 'beyond' gives meaning and direction.

Thought will ever meander in these webs if it is not given a sound as a vehicle to harmoniously dive beyond these intricacies.
Whoever gives you this sound will be in charge of your dive.
My sound is thus spontaneous.
Like scatting with soothing syllables.
A silent mind is defective because thoughts form, which is fine if you want to know your thoughts.
But since thoughts continue to arise, the mind naturally wishes to siphon them off to return to silence.
The siphoning itself creates a mental frequency.
...
"Selling" sounds to think is like moving thought from the ground to flying into outer space.

Any way to teach meditation is obsolete when the mind changes.
The teachings are relative though they speak of spiritual matters.
It is every person's unique journey, meditation is.
Thus, I come back to "just observe".

I’ll say grace
I’ll lay to waste
All this distaste
All this distance

I will embrace
Vermilion haze
With no pretence
With no defence

I’ll say grace
Today replace
Undue sorrow
With tomorrow

I will embrace
A million ways
With no promise
Or borrowed solace
 
In the silence of a prayer
I hear the din of all despair
And wonder
When the solace calls my name
I hear the droning of malaise
And wander
In the silence when I pray
I hear the hum of every day
I wonder

I’ll say grace
My fate erased
I will not submit
To the makeshift

I will embrace
The silver maze
I am enlightened
In this silent solace

Safe and sound
That town is drowned

You’re safe and sound
A king decrowned
You can’t stay

But you’re safe and sound
You’re lost and found
Come what may

You’re safe and sound
That town is drowned
Walk away

Throw it away
All your backyard dreams
Are miscreations
Laughing in your face
While you wait
Through unwelcome change
Untrue elation
And chance appreciation

It already came

As Plato stated:
First study sound,
then philosophy,
and finally physics.
So too, in the inner school:
mantra,
then silence,
and finally visualization.

For once all three are studied,
all can work in harmony.

Pull yourself up
never surrender
no pain no gain
get some

collapse
give up
stop the pain
leave it

crush it
win at all costs
may the best man win
no quit

loosen your grip
enjoy the journey
lose with grace
stop

destroy the day
seize the day
capture the victory
nothing is too much to give

relax
today
might be the last
day

Another day
trudging a
blistered shitscape
shuffling a
burning hellscape
tripping a
melted fuckscape

Mars or
the 40
there is
no escape
I need
that pay