I lost myself
In between the months of May and August,
As people sped up to undress, to feel the breeze of the warm wind
As I doubled my layers and was ashamed of my own skin
I lost myself
I let my existence chip away like overdue nail polish
I let you destroy my personhood piece by piece,
I was an extension of you that had to be polished
I let your words dig through what I thought was tough skin and unravel tears
I lost myself
I forgot to smile, I forgot to let people know I was fine
I forgot to lie,
I forgot to lie
I lost myself
My existence was merely a performance
But maybe I was suddenly gaining consciousness
Maybe in the months of the harsh summer
Where every night, crying preceded slumber
Maybe I was shedding the version of me that you had created
Maybe I was shedding the extension of you that you had obligated
She could no longer be, her time was up
She had filled you with all that was in her cup
Maybe I was going through metamorphosis
Maybe the aching was her death but my genesis

erasing you hasn't been simple
i never will completely
deleting pictures and messages
sorting it all out so neatly

you know i love the rain
listening to it pour
i wish you the very best
but i won't be here anymore

i know you're hurting too
we're stuck feeling so blue
i know you're hurting too
it's what's best for me and you

it's painful for us both
don't let me keep coming back
how can you still love me
there's so much that we lack

you loved when i sang
i'm stuck now singing about you
i hate that it's come to this
it's true

i know you're hurting too
it's hard to go through
i know you're hurting too
it's what's best for me and you

Been sad for a month now
And I don't really talk much anymore
A loud kid gone quiet
Blending in the crowd
Everything is a snarky comment
Everything is a jab in my side
Everything is a loss of me

I spend my nights alone
Hang-up those calls
Ignore those messages
I remove myself from the world
Lost in my own thoughts
To only fall harder for this loneliness I started in

I think it's my fear grabbing ahold of me
The fear of losing
The fear of failing
The fear of needing
The fear of letting go
And hurting
Hurting her
Hurting me
Hurting them
And losing myself some more

The hero dies at the end of this story
We all know how it goes
The same old song goes on and on
So strap in and raise your chins
Its a scene we already know
The hero dies at the end of the story
And were left wondering
What even was the point of it all?

The crowd always controls you
and you will feel lonely
because you do not know who you are.

A silver spoon
still never feeds the soul

A silver lining
still cannot hold back the rain

A silver moon
still brings on the howling

A silver chain
still holds the weakest link

I look back to the day we met
(Regret..)
'Should've known
That you were lying-
Now I'm here sitting in a room
crying-
'Didn't think I'd have to say goodbye
'Didn't think you'd leave-
'Didn't think I'd have to forget you-
So soon...


'Didn't think you'd leave me all alone.
Yes, I guess I should've known that in the end-
We're just flesh and bone...
Just know-
It's gonna be hard to let you-
go...

That moment in life,
When you feel like, You are losing everything.
And all you can do is,
Just Stand there and watch.

I may never have liked myself
But no matter what I went through
I was proud of who I had become

No matter the times
The temptation
I hadn't given up

I have always promised myself I'd never change myself for anyone
But for a fraction of your time
I'd rearrange every part of my being

And I don't know what's sadder:
The fact that I'd lose myself for you,
Or the fact you wouldn't even notice.