eyes have pierced through my soul looking as if they had seen me
eyes have desperately barged into my mind telling me I am not doing well enough
eyes have wounded this heart as I ever so wanted to break free,
because those eyes will forever look at me in a sea of expectations

There was a time where gifts mattered more than time.
There was a time where the number of friends mattered more than the kind.
There was a time where taste mattered more than the fulfillment.
There was a time where grades mattered more than character.
There was a time where looks mattered more than the heart.
There was a time where self mattered more than another.
There was a time where our minds changed and our priorities shifted and that was the time we matured.

i envy
the mirror
for always being
the first
and last
to see all of you;

how mesmerizing your smile is,
how dreamy your eyes are,
how the curves of your body
create slopes not even
the most beautiful mountains
could compare,

i wish i could see it all.

but unlike the mirror,

you can hear the words coming out of my mouth,
you can feel my embrace as i caress your skin
as if it were a vintage vase,
i could say something funny and then your smile will just effortlessly come out.

now,

the mirror should envy me;

for i could
see,
touch,
and feel,
the beauty
that is you.

And the way she looks at me
makes me feel like
the happiest person alive
in the universe.

i am convinced i need the approval of a man to be validated as beautiful. i believe i need men to give my body attention because they won’t like what’s beyond that. i have a strong personality and firm opinions but am willing to push that aside to be praised for my looks. i don’t believe i’m beautiful so i seek the attention of men who will say i do even if all they want to reveal what’s beneath the clothes. i am more inclined to offer my body because it has tougher skin than my heart. revealing my skin is much easier than voluntarily offering up the vulnerability of my feelings.