I try to do the best I can
Yet everything still falls apart
I end every day with the same problems
Working their way through my heart

Talk but you are distracted
We never find a solution
Stress poisoning the air around us
We keep breathing in pollution

Just keep ignoring the damage
Acting like we are fine
Blind to fact we are tiptoeing
Dangerously on a thin line

Me pretending that I don’t notice
How close we are to the edge
You don’t seem to mind the risk
Associated with the ledge

You listen
You attempt to understand
Why I live with such fear
But can’t change the speed you move at
Or switch into a lower gear

Don’t hear my worried murmurs
Cries fall upon ears rendered deaf
If you continue wheeling and dealing
Soon nothing will be left

Destroying me one piece at a time
As you throw your potential away
Hoping in time you will see the truth
Before it’s too late to stop decay

Of course you found out you love me now
Of course you want me when someone else has me

Of course you realize you want to be with me now
Of course you promise you will prove you're true and real

Of course the timing is off
Of course fate threw us another out of reach curve ball

Because, what do we have together anyway besides bad timing?

in the dead of night
it always feels like
exhilaration
self hate leaves doubtful residue within me
it’s led me to deny god
how could he do such a thing to me
feelings equate the inferno of my past
to the blaze of my home
often thinking about how i did this
it’s my acceptance of less than love
that has created the deadly persona
practiced divination
to find the answers
of my self doubt
the stars say they shine for me
something in me doesn’t believe them
in me
the liar resides
happiness isn’t allowed
he’s dying though
i might be free soon

here you are
farther to my touch,
closer to my heart;
bridging gaps between
my heady desires and,
sanity and sensibility.

here I am
lost in your thoughts
and words,
dreaming about a hundred
springs and summers
that await us.

here you are
looking into my eyes
asking questions and
seeking answers; listening
intently to all the quiet
sighs and loud silences.

here I am
showing you the way
around and letting you
through the walls I've
built  without fears or
inhibitions of any sort.

here we are
brought together by
the distance but aren't
sure of treading the
paths we've never
been on before.

here we are
writing happy little
stories in sand until
the impending wave of
doom and despair crashes
into the castles of our future.

and here we will be
hiding behind
those tiniest of smiles
that keep lingering on
our lips which have always
reluctantly said goodbye.

On nothing day
I talk to myself
And know myself
Better than I will tomorrow
Better tonight
Amongst a lifetime of clutter
Between childhood diaries
And what could be a clover field, in a dream,
where everything was the same but better
Like it is when I write it down
On soft paper, cream with a pressed flower
Folded in the seam.
Of course, I have never written on this soft paper,
And tonight, on nothing day,
I type with tired, uneasy fingers
On a screen too bright for midnight eyes.
And yet in all the nastiness and stickiness
The imperfections, oddities
The house spider webs,
Crooked paintings,
******* ants, crawling up my legs
Here, in nothing day,
I somehow know myself better
Than I will tomorrow.

It broke into my fantasies, crushing my daydreams. Making my longing break into an ever higher pace whilst the rug was pulled from under my feet. Facedown, sweat and tears, blood and pieces. Tasting the rock bottom, falling from the clouds. Breaking my bones, my connection to you, making me blind.

It really did break my heart, seeing you two.

Broke it in a non-refundable kind of way, a permanent way. Broke the pieces I'd left of you, for you, saved, so that we could one day return.