his heart yearns for the blood of your love.

his lips long for the sickly sweet taste of the drug that burns his throat, the only love he has ever known.

the only drug that has ever entered his blood stream and intoxicated his body.

An addiction so strong it kills him slowly, from the inside.

withdrawal symptoms so strong he forgets everything he learned him rehab and relapses.

the touch of someone's skin on another's
has been written about plenty already
but I swear to you
his touch is like no other
so innocent and fragile
but commanding and strong
yet gentle and caring
while he bites me all along
the sting and the numbness
the tickle of his tongue
his touch is like no other
so right though so wrong
all my softness in his clutch
his being needs no guide
he knows where and how to touch
as his eager mouth finds mine
his tracing fingertips bring chills
up my chilly and bare spine
his touch is one that nearly kills
but I am on cloud nine

"You are a murderer of love!" At least, I think that's how the line went. I scream this all to often. Not at myself or my lover, no. No. I scream this at the content on the screen.

The **** on my lovers computer. The **** on my lovers brain. The **** in my lovers heart. The **** on my lovers skin. The **** that poisons my lovers hard drive. I scream.

My face will never look like hers. My skin will never look like hers. My hips will never be that small. My ******* will never be that perky, or big. My stomach will never be that flat. My legs will never be that long. My hair won't look like that. My *** will never look like that.

I try to compete, but I'm left in the dust. I try to find new ways to please you, but your mind drifts to her. Or is it her? Or her? I bought that lingerie because you liked in on the model. Or did you just like the model?

You tell me you love me. You say that I'm beautiful. You said your life would be nothing without me in it. You tell me you don't want to look. You tell me you want to stop. But, I see you. I see you disappear with your laptop. I hear you roll over and say "Not tonight, I'm sleepy." I feel your eyes on me when I change, as if they were comparing.

But listen. Her skin will never feel like mine. Her laugh will never sound like mine. Her voice will never soothe your heart. She will will never care for you when you're sick. She will never listen to you sing. She will never cuddle you on the couch. She will never hold you when you cry. She will never love you like I love you.

And how I love you.

Wasting my day again
Over thinking
All my problems
And asking myself
How I can fix them
Instead of acting
I'm stuck in a loop
Thinking...

A flood.
A torrent.
An endless pouring of doubt.
It fills.
It consumes.
It chokes and kills.
You don't see it.
But it's felt.
Inside the depths of my chest.
I'm dying.
It's strangling.
It continues to press.
I try and fail to breath
And the funniest part?
I put on a smile and make a joke.
And no one seems to see.

My name's Anti and I crave
the dark side of a day,
I'm insecure and
sometimes I can't define what I think,
I push people away,
I've gotten so huge,
my victim sees a shrink.
I won't be tamed by pills,
a substance holds no power
over a force that kills;
sure, I'm prone to blind infatuation,
extreme heart palpitations,
but has no one ever told you
of my evergreen determination?

Day Breaks,
Night falls;
Tumbling through life.
Rhyme and reason,
nowhere on the horizon.
Felt you would take it on
Unravel a great mystery,
But all its become,
A ritual misery.
And as each day ends,
Inadequate reality dawns.
that all that it is,
****** by fate,
dogged by dogma,
designed by destiny.
But through the darkness
a glimmer that hope shows,
Again you hang on to it, cling to it.
A new day is coming, it says,
But fooled are we, as together with it
does it bring again,
the old hope's betrayal.

I held my phone.
And started to scan your pictures.
Strong surges of nostalgia pile up.
Memories became a movie in my head.

12:51am
You texted me.
"How are you?"
My mind's shouting
"Im not fine. I miss you so bad and it hurts this much."


1:30am
Thoughts are clouding my mind.
What ifs get under way.
Why did we end up like this?
What have we done to each other?


2:58am
A war in my mind's in ******
I cant get you out of my mind.
How's me? I dont know. I dont know.
You left me. I think Im fine. Really.


4:59am
The night's soon to end or so I thought?
The sun will come out in any minute to welcome me.
You were like the moon, you left me in my darkest moment.
And I still have no sun to shelter me.


6am
I was drunk with my thoughts of you.
My eyes are blurry because of tears.
My tears drown me in bed.
I am wrecked.



7:30am
My senses are tired.
They kept on shouting for me to take a glance at them.
I ignored them when you left me.
I havent been okay since then, I guess.


9:51am
The city is so busy like me.
Im tired, Im leaving now.
Now ask me before I go:
"How are you?"
I'll be fine. I hope you miss me too.


11:58am
A lifeless girl in bed with a letter beside her was found.