My heart was ready. Finally. After so many years of being uncertain and gradually pulling down the pieces of me struggling to break the surface; I can breath. I see the blue sky and the shore. I feel the gentle wind, assisting me across the waves. I hear the seagulls cries of joy and I bask in the warm suns rays. I taste the drying salt on my lips and allow them for the first time in so many years a chance to peel back in a gradual, enlightening smile. And as I float closer to a safe shore, I smell flowers and the fresh buds of leaves growing on the trees. I am ready. Beyond ready, to float to safety and peace. My heart has yearned for so long to break free of the waters dark expanse, and all I had to do was let go. To let go of the girl who was always waiting so heartbreakingly for a life raft. And instead become the woman who learned to float and breath and love the simplest pleasures of my senses guiding me to safety. Just let go. Let go, and be.
Peace is a mindset.
There is a fragility in staring into a mirror.
In knowing that though the glass is unmarked,
The reflection is shattered.
Old traumas make new days hard sometimes.
I feel old in this moment.
As if my soul has traveled far too many times around the sun recently.
I feel my bones stretch with knew realizations and my lunges expand with more knowledge.
I am but another youth,
but I feel so old still.
Life is hard lately.
Life is heartbreaking lately.
Life is constant and ever changing
and I am young but feeling old.
For I feel the breath stolen from his lungs,
I feel the chants of too many years of injustice.
I feel the fear of wearing a badge but wanting to make things better.
I feel the desperation of society.
And I feel so, so old.
What painful times we live in.
What changing times we live in.
I was young,
but knowledge ages you,
And now I know so much.
So I must speak what I know.
And change what I can.
And oh, dear God,
please let this next generation do better than we did.
Be better than we have.
For I am young.
But feel so old.
And there are so many like me
And so many more who have been tired longer.
Black Lives Matter
The desire to fill,
to pour more
into the gaps of my heart,
my soul, and mind.
To completely submerge
those bare holes
until there is no room
for doubts and insecurities.
It is so overwhelming when I stand
in the folds of your arms.
When your presence consumes
those pains and calms my breath.
The need to change
God, use me.
I am Yours.
From ringing bells and cascading lace, caught up in the dust of our feet and the light wisps of bubbles leaving kisses along our face and arms; we run for the four wheel, rumbling engine that'll take us off to a series of financial uncertainties, sweaty embraces, swollen bellies and forgotten dates. And I know, I know I will never want anything more that this. Anything more than you.
If I close my eyes,
I can sense it.
The brisk morning runs.
The reddened apples piled under trees.
If I close my eyes,
I can remember it.
How it passed every year,
like the mourning of a loved one.
How it tastes like bitter words
from the mouth of an angry parent.
It's the end of warmth.
Winter is coming.
Some sipping the
the sky opens up.