I was freshly turned 17, you were freshly turned 21.
I didn't know you ***** me at the time, but I now know for sure.
I was madly in love with another woman, frustrated I wasn't getting her.
So you saw an opportunity to teach me the birds and the bees.
Yet you were still a stranger to me.
How could I say no with my raging hormones?
Didn't think that desire would burn into my bones
Never expected an addiction to make its home in me.
In between these years I'm still within that sphere
Another one night stand, another *** buddy, another thrill that kills a part of me.
I bet you didn't think that your in-between-boyfriends-plaything would start doing what you did to me.
Except now I despise myself when I realized I take advantage of my playthings... maybe ***** someone like you ***** me.
I don't blame you, though. I only blame myself.
I'm trying to forgive you, like I'm learning to forgive myself.

You don't have to...
Cut
Drink
Drug
Have ***
Lie
Work
Or be popular to fill that hole in you.
It's not about being perfect, but being vulnerable.
Maybe if you open yourself up, let go of your control
You could find a piece of that peace you're looking for.
I'm always here if anyone needs me.

-JJ

They called her an attention ***** for the last time
As she put the gun to her stomach and pulled the trigger.

The fat girl
The bipolar girl
The depressed girl
The nymphomaniac
The airhead blonde
The discarded cheerleader
The broken hearted

The girl who cuts
The girl who cries
The girl who has a eating disorder
The girl who can't help herself
The girl who is always alone
The girl who gets yelled at
The girl who always gets *****

She just wanted love
But this is all she has

She has a cheating boyfriend
She has a horrible father
She has an abusive mother
She has a shattered heart
She has a numb mind
She has a lost hope
She has a sharp knife
She has a loaded gun

I'm sure they just wanted attention. I'm sure they were perfectly fine.
I'm sure they didn't need the helping hand. I'm sure they're just overreacting.

I'm sure she's dead. I'm sure you don't really care.

I had astounding potential
Such passion
Much drive
Deep conviction
But a habit to lie

I had great potential
Such love
Much care
Deep sympathy
But my character threadbare

I had some potential
A little valor
A little trust
Growing dishonor
Already too much of a goner

I have no potential
Such anger
Much pain
Deep wounds
Time to seal my tomb

The piercing cold has frozen my hold.
As my breath mists in the wind, I lose my mind in my sin.
Why did I walk through the pitch black portal?
Why did I sell my innocence for a price that wasn't priceless?
I look into the mirror, my face is what I see.
Yet my eyes hold a darkness, how is this me?
So I turn in horror, step out for some air.
But from me escapes screams of unfiltered anguish 'til my voice is like a bear.
Why did I walk?
Why did I sell?
Let the cold take me.
It's warmer than my hell.

Oh, the stars that are alight in the vast darkness we call sky,
So beautiful, but so far away,
So large, but only a twinkle to our miniscule eyes,
How is it with all our knowledge and ambition,
All our strides to seek the unknown,
That we can only yet dream of touching a star?
We are but children, attempting to see the universe, through the keyhole of a door.
So I keep to my dreams that I may fly on a shooting star.

It's easy to say I love you when you are face to face.
It's easy to say I love you when you are inside someone.
It's easy to say I love you when they are caring for you.
It's easy to say I love you when the butterflies are in your
stomach and every waking moment is consumed with one another.

But it's not easy to say I love you when they want nothing to do with you.
It's not easy to say I love you when you know they don't love you.
It's not easy to say I love you when it's been a consistent battle to
remain friends.
It's not easy to say I love you when you always choose guys who
make you feel less than you are.
It's not easy to say I love you when I have been waiting four years for
you to feel anything for me.
And it certainly is not easy to say I love you when there is an ocean
separating the two of us.

I don't love you because I need you, I need you because I love you.
Love is not a feeling, or an emotional connection, or an opportunity not to be alone.
Love is dedication, a choice to knit your heart and soul to another because
nobody else can compare to the joy, peace, affection, and trustworthiness that you have.

So I love you. I love you. I love you.
You may never read this, but it's the deepest part of my love for you.