I want to wake up in the morning and have it gone.
I want to wake up slip my clothes on without feeling your hands tangled around me
Brush my hair without having to swat away the prints pressuring around my hips

If I could
I'll burn this vessel

Give me a lobotomy
I'm ready to risk it all for it to be gone.


I dream about what my world would be like if it never happened.
If your midnight hovering never came.
If the shame never quaked my legs and suffocated my peace.

But still every night I go to bed with wishful thoughts
hopeful that it'll be gone in the morning
and wake up in disappointment when the feeling returns

If you squint your eyes
And turn your head, you
Might just see more than at first
Glance
Rather than a quick look
Or a fast pass
Or a flick of the eyes
Try really searching.

girlworm, you grab a wrist like you've known modesty in the shyness of a bare feeling gripped tight on the one offering it
tightrope fingers falling into the spaces of unspoken territory, slipping into familiar qualms like the worn lipsticks that fits the grooves of my lips like an object of my affection
knowing the contour of what i'm never aware of
anxieties creep like an overgrown lawn
these fears personifying into antsy women invading my kitchen telling me that there's not enough ventilation and the stove is on leaking gas into the baby lungs of a young smoker
and when i begin to argue they give both a look of sympathy and disgust as they say "oh child you drown so easily"
so i sit chewing my nails as i count the birds outside flying back and forth from their post as if they can't remember where they're going towards or if there's something that could possibly pull them elsewhere
my mind swirls in the smoothie of a plastic cup that sticks to the coffee table, the rings of different bottles painting circles for me to memorize again
my paradise sits with the roughness of his knuckles and the ambiguity of eyes that could know everything and i would set fire to the stars inside because of the jealousy that grows from pretty things being smoldered under skin
when i begin to lose my person, pale and shivering i go towards it
empty stomached and ready to be buried in the clothes of her
that i can imagine becoming the consistency of yogurt in my lap
kissing back my tremors as i lift up her hair from curious shoulders
dry-heaving the importance of the cheeks that feel warmer as they settle on hands that are brought together as if in deep prayer and i know i will collect myself again one day
girlworm, you're a swarm in my chest and i am me

he called me all these names
but i think i love him
hes my one ideal
he may have cheated me over
but i love him
hes my one ideal
i want one more day to cuddle
cause i love him
he is my only ideal

While yes, I have a résumé
It does no justice describing mé

So I'll leave this here for all to see
All I ask is please hire me

I'm great with sales
and communication
I can create tales
with no hesitation

Been fixing PCs since '99
Right after I broke all of mine

I don't do drugs
I don't cause fights
I won't give shrugs
to new insights

I can Photoshop best selling ads
and tell corny jokes just like most dads

I write HTML
and CSS
I can kinda spell
At least try my best

Started my first business in 5th grade
Profiting from the paper airplane trade

I'm a fast learner,
a problem solver,
a trust earner,
an idea causer,
a spreadsheet slayer,
a real team player

While I'm no photography guru
I've actually had a paid gig or two

Dove into video editing
way back when MySpace was a thing

Oh yeah. Plus I'm proficient with Microsoft Office.

I'd like to see
The tears
you're crying

When they carry
My body
Away.

I'd like to know
You should
Have loved me

When you could have
Had
Your say.

I want lots of
Arms
to comfort

And help you
Get through
The grief.

I'd like to see
The tears
You're crying

When you could
Have said
Your peace.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.

I'd like to see
The tears
You're crying

When you
Are feeling
Your pain.

Make
It all
about you

When it all
Comes back
Again.

When
The choir
Is singing

It won't be
Because
I'm gone

I'd like to see
The tears
Your crying

And know
You know
You were wrong.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.

Can you tell me how
You love me now?
Can you let the secret out of Pandora's box?

I want your friends
To be
around

I want
You to
have fun

But first
The truth
Will eat you

For what
You've left
undone.

Some
Might say
It's better

That you
Are spared
Some pain.

I
Had lived
Not knowing

If I
Was loving
You in vain.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.