maybe at the age of 42 i can understand humans. just maybe i actually accepted endless reasons for certain human trauma we all engage in. it had no logic that behaviour should be steered from behind the cloud of the doubt, but still, it was. for so long trapping attention to do useless automated actions was the dominion of some kind. nobody gets to be comfortable with it. they all learn to lean on tricks and within the trickery importance leaves. forget about endless efforts and ride - they have said. i couldn't. intention is my ride. or, was. i have lost some of it, so now i understand difficulties better. it feels so alone, but peaceful once i got through the fear. i can understand how and why they achieve the goals, and it is not on the bright side. on the sunny side, not being comfortable is manageable by being certain in just one thing, time is everything and it is always now.
