tell me -- what is hard, wet, and red all over?

I was always looking at you, always at your back. Watching your every fall and every rise. It's too unfortunate I'm too close to you. I can't see your face because I'm always behind you, staring with my eyes from afar and with my heart from nearby. I'm afraid that if I touch your back, you'll turn out to be the person I wouldn't have thought of. I can't say hello just to say goodbye in the end. I'd rather have us stay this way, me tailing you and observing you grow. It is better for me not to get to know you and be disappointed with just myself, than have known you and be disappointed with you and myself. That way I can leave easier.

Did we just act
on a whim
just to be loved
and feel loved
without asking
if either of us
could swim?
By now, I'd hope somehow
you'd know what to do.
Guess you still don't know
who's worth fighting
or dying for,
guess I still wear my heart
on my sleeve
up for lease too easy.
You've ignored its rent,
all your love, I don't know
where it went,
all my time, uselessly spent,
and since you're breaking
my heart in two,
I'll only ever get
skin deep with you.

I swore I'd never be that girl
I'd keep my backbone
Watch from the stands
Armed with popcorn
And an extra-large slushie
Kick my feet back,
Enjoy the show in front of me
Watch those foolish teens
High on hormones
Fall in and out of love.

I swore I’d never stoop down to that level,
Lose everything
For unforgiving heartbreak.
I would stay
High above
In my impenetrable
Throne in the clouds.

I swore I’d never
As those three words
Ran across my lips.
With an “and I mean it”
Tacked on at the end.

The man I fell in love with is stuck in last year.
2017: I don't know this man anymore

him, the one with lengths of broken black hair.
him, the one whose smile ever barely arrives.
him, the one whose feelings are hidden deep within.
there wasn’t a conversation we’ve had together;
not even one
and yet when we are in the same room,
and we are breathing the same air,
and our eyes are driving around together,
i am reminded of why i like him.
and how he manages to make my heart go pitter patter,
but at the same time break it.

My dreams are still about you
So are my nightmares
I have come to realize
For you, I still care
My hopes have only you
Written all over them
Even when I think of you, today
You still don't cease to overwhelm
I still feel messed up
When it comes to you
My friends say I am still in love
Maybe that is true...