I think I've had enough of life,
The life I live isn't worth a fight, if I die today that would be alright
Because I've had enough of life,
im an angry creature filled with hate, the worst things in life I can not escape, the worst to come is never late, this life I live I've tried to take but everyone say I made a mistake....ha....
I think I've had enough of life
everything is wrong nothing is right
I guess I'll never know what a normal life feels like,
but that's alright **** life.

I wanna say "Hi!"
But it comes out as "Bye."
I feel shy to see your face
Or be afraid to feel out of place
I want to be make acquaintance
But I keep putting distance
When I try to get close to you
I retreat everything I do

She walks like a model,
She stings like a bee.
She knows all the secrets
And knows who's the prey.

She'll make you scream out for help,
Yet, she'll lock you in a cell,
Making you wonder your teribble fate.

Just watch out for this lady,
She's painted in red.
She'll cut you to pieces
And make you obey.

These ghost have been with me as long as I can remember.. I never did fear them.. I embraced their very presence and would always look for them..  They would do small things.. Like write Hi to me in the dust, Turn on lights, And walk with me under the night sky.. I never felt alone.. Even though I could not see them I knew they were always with me.  I could feel when I needed privacy that they would let me be..  But today I read a message in the dust that finally scared me..  It said " Are you a ghost?" It turns out I was the ghost all along..

All it takes
Is one little 'Hi'
Tapped out on the screen
Sure, it doesn't seem like much
But it means the world to me

Don't let Destiny know you're happy!

you're into drugs
and I'm into you
you're always high
my heart is always blue

you look through my body as if it were glass
I could never be enough
still
a glimpse from time to time
maybe my smile reminds you of
the summer
we used to be
what I used to see
as a you and me
a blurred smile
then you're turning away
you twisted the plot and ripped out my heart
you closed your heart
and left me there
choking on shame

you're into drugs
and I'm into you
your world is so small
no space for two

I want to experience what it feels like to wholeheartedly love who I've become. To realize that one day the only person I need to keep sane is myself. Independence isn't about doing things on your own as compared to realizing what can be accomplished by yourself. If as if you are surprising and surpassing your own high expectations. And if what they say is true, that we ourselves are our own worst critics, then so be it. But when I wake up in the morning I want to feel proud that I  made it through an eventful dream, unlike the nightmares that still scare me even when I'm awake. Or the gloom that hangs over my mirror every morning while I cake on powders and gloops of color toning make up in order to be suitably eye catching. My push up bras don't even push up my lack of chest fat but in turn let my self confidence sag. I'm not always short enough for the boy I like to be a picture perfect couple. Nor am I tall enough to enjoy how the skyline kisses the horizon. My **** doesn't sway the way my steps take me further and further down judgmental halls with eyes that can shatter someone's assurance of themselves. My skin isn't naturally glowing due to the dull lighting guiding me way through this dim settled life I have set up for myself. The natural hair on top of my head isn't constantly in place; and alike the baby hairs, I myself am flowing wildly by which ever the wind blows. And I wish I can say I will someday appreciate the small things that I believe are physically wrong with me. Like the way my freckles become more noticeable in the summer. Or how my hair becomes darker in the winter. Or how my birthmark on my leg reminds me of South Carolina. Or how my fingers are allowed to touch everything beautiful.
*That's the way I want to be. That's the way I will be.