Days pass by
Monotonous
Black and white
Life happens all around
But never to me
World experienced
Through waking coma
Nervous system weak
All feeling almost gone
Until I look back
Through old notebooks
Re-experience trace memories
Of who I once was
Who I used to be
And maybe still am
Reading these old writings
I feel more of my old self slip away
But I smile
For it means
I’m still here

People have strange fears
Mine is myself
At this point I just feel like somebody else
Thought I knew my own feelings
Now I’m just confused
I feel as if someone else is in control
Of my own body?
No that doesn’t make sense
Because I am me
But my memory slips all the time
And I feel less alive
I am just Here.

Gone I am
Into the past
Where memories haunt

Gone I am
Into the future
Where possibilities fly

Here I am
In the present
Where I must survive

I want for few, as you know:
be here with you and the snow.

tw// language. self hate.

do something, do something, do something
*******, waste of space
what are you even doing with your life?

please please just get up
i'll leave you alone if you do something
anything

brush your teeth, please, you smell like death

do something, do something, do something
******* just get up

fourteen missing assignments, and that's just one class
you dumb ******* i hate you

get up
you're the reason for every bad thing that has ever happened

y'know what?
don't do anything
sit there
you're gonna mess up anything you try anyway

are you going to cry now?
of course not. that's doing something.

don't go to sleep

your lungs could collapse right now
you could die
no one promised you forever
you only get a now
and you're spending it on your twin sized bed
might as well be in a coffin
you ******* waste of decomposable matter

do something, do something, do something

you changed all that was
we built here now together
and this is just love