This I wear
As a widow wears her ring
To never take it off
Never ready to let go

Only Being able to forget for a moment
Living with regret
Living with remorse
Never to fully recover

I wear you to show my love
I will never take you off
I wear you as a widow wears her ring
I wear you my Bracelet

Tears rolling down my face
Walking through a dreadful place
Held on for far too long
But used to be so strong

At night out of everyones sight
Waiting for when the time's right
The demons would make me feel
like the wounds could never heal

Convince myself with smiling
even my insides are dying
As I keep on burning
I feel the tables turning

You might see hope
Don't see with what I cope
Told you there's no other way
Wouldn't listen to what I say

Told myself this lie all years
While confronting all my fears
Never saw a day get brighter
But made me more of a fighter

I'm falling
From very high
But I can't see the floor
Where am I going to ?

I try to reach out
To grab anything
But there's nothing around me
No one to help me
Nowhere to land.

It's a constant descend
Where I see things,
See people
But I can't do anything.
Can't talk
Can't act
Can't feel.

I'm falling.

I was starving,
yet I couldn't eat.
Little did I know,
I was deprived of happiness,
and that was just the start.
I had been hiding,
in work, food and lies.
Telling myself I just needed a nap.
I need happiness, I need to speak,
I have to write.




slowly

                  my
                                 hunger





                                                     ­                 f       a          d      e          s

Do you know those
Little music boxes
Where the ballerina
Starts spinning as
Soon as the music is played?

That’s how I would describe
My childhood
Dancing to someone else’s
Tune
While completely
Mute

You,
Pronoun that is used to point out or address another being

Broke,
Past tense verb that means something is somehow changed, usually for the worse

My,
Possessive pronoun that means something belongs to me in some way

Trust,
Noun which describes the building block for all relationships

Wind howling in my ears,
Sand slicing, biting, through my skin,
The faces plaguing my dreams of fear.
Their mouths all in a maniacal grin.

Pain flashing; arm burning;
Tumbling through the air.
An arm falling in my lap,
It's not mine but his.

My friend.
My driver.
The back I promised to watch.
The family man I know him to be.

No dont look at me that way!
Stop... please...
It's not my fault I survived.
It's not my fault you died.

No dont leave... please...
You're all I have left,
You're my last memory of him.
Stay... please...

The cracking of barrels,
Whizzing of bullets,
I'm sorry I have to go.
My other brothers need me.

You're eyes are already dead,
You're blood has run cold.
But they aren't gone yet,
Their blood is still warm.

A shot runs through my shoulder,
Strange voices coming from everywhere,
One saying to get back,
Another saying it's happening again...

What's happening?
What do you mean again?
Head hurting, splitting, painful.
Everything around me is fading...

No dont leave... please...
This is all I have left of them...
My friends who fell,
My brothers by creed not blood.

White lights, white clothe.
Strange voices speaking strange words.
A man in blue and white,
Red spatters of blood on his shirt.

It makes sense,
For now I see,
I was rescued.
One out of four.

I'm alive...
I survived...
It should've been them.
Why couldn't it have been them.