taste of espresso in between my teeth
my caffeinated mind, buzzing with rainbow zig zags
boom. a shock wave wracks my intellect
and a three-dimensional bass is lodged behind my ears.

i can hear everything and nothing
silence is fuzz, with cracks of awkward
hope is brought by tiny silver fish
they swim all over my arms, leaving water tracks on my skin

so i slip,
and stumble over my own feet.
my tongue is tied
i feel myself falling behind.

coffee hits me hard

Last time I was hung over,
     I was wearing
               the wrong face.

Having a headache,
                  blurs perception,
     I picked the wrong me
                                 to display.

Slithering through the darkness,
Always there,
Always waiting,
Never leaving.
I feel it like an ever-present headache,
A sensation that won't go away
No matter how hard I try.
The uncomfortable sensation follows me
Everywhere.
Hanging out with friends, working by myself,
Eating, reading, even sleeping it is there.
My dreams are troubled, my imaginations
Disturbing and unsettling.
I can't control the constant gnawing,
Clawing, grasping at my flesh,
Trying to find a purchase,
Trying to become a permanent part of me.
What it doesn't know is that it already
Possesses me, completely dominating
My soul, my mind, and my heart.
Everyone has a demon.
What is yours?

There's a cat living in my head
and he's redecorating.
Clawing at the sides of my skull,
tearing down the wall paper that was there.
But he doesn't seem fond of putting up something new,
just wants to leave the gouges so the pain can seep through.

He doesn't travel far.
To the back and then the front again,
but he never strays to the left.
He hugs the right wall of my head
like he'll die if he tries to leave
Just digging new trenches as he goes

When he feels really inspired
he gets a hammer and
BANG
BANG
BANG
new places that throb and throb for hours
never leaving me at peace
but he's happy with what he's created

I've been told there's a piece of metal I can get
to lock him out, keep him out, and throw away the key
some people say it worked for them and I'm just hoping
that it also works for me

The pain ripped through my body
Tearing apart my muscles

Electricity shot through my arms
Sending sparks down my veins

My heart pounded against its cage
Each thump threatening to break free

My stomach boiled in its own acid
Sizzling as the bile rose in my throat

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks
Searing my skin as they trailed

One word drummed through my mind
Never
Each time it hammered my skull shook
        Never
The hopeless finality of Never

It screamed in a skull splitting screech
        Never
would I be happy
        Never
would I be myself
        Never
would I be free.