A throbbing pain, A moment in which I hear nothing. A bullet to the head. A scream to leave me alone. Doctors say “if a headache lasts more than 24 hours than there is something wrong." “What about 24/7?” I scream in my brain. My headache is not a scream for your help; It is a scream for the God I left years ago to hurry up and **** me. For as long as I can remember my headache has been there for me. My headache comes over at the worst of times banging on my door refusing to leave. My headache is worse than the Jehovah’s Witness banging on my door every Sunday. My headache is an intruder refusing to leave even after I call the cops. My headache makes me scream, So keep away from me. My headache has taken a hold of me. My headache makes the lights in my room look like the holy light waiting to blind me. I know not of the life I had before headache because headache has always been holding my hand. My headache is a lover who I can not seem to leave no matter how many times I say, ‘I am through” My headache is the person on the other side of the aisle Saying, “I do” Before I could run away. So when the doctor gave me the bottle of pills that rattled in the passenger seat of my car all the way home I was shocked to see I was afraid to divorce my lover headache. Because My headache loved me.
This, this, just ******* this whatever the **** this is In my head Its running round in circles Leading me a merry dance stamping all over me Cutting slices to my core and i can't defend myself from the attacks because there's nothing physical to push away its noxious and suffocating and maybe its just better if I let it take me down but it surrounds and smothers me just the same why can't I fight it I'm so tired and ashamed that its stronger than me whatever this headfuck is a grown woman I should be strong not right now I'm not but maybe tomorrow but I know I'll get headfucked again at some point and I'll be as defenseless as I always am ******* headfuck
just another anxiety attack to get through 7.10.18
let this be proof that on day *** I am alive and kicking with nothing but a caffeine headache and a good twenty days of September in my back pocket but now the cross breeze comes and I lament the past four autumns how they left me cold broken and seeing women jump off buildings God! Sovereign soldier! Sinner! Saint! let me live more than 20 days I am a good person I only **** when asked I eat spaghetti with a fork and spoon I once tried to jump off a cliff but that was then and this is now and the breeze is as cold as winter don’t think that I ever enjoyed this time with you don’t think that I won’t ever try that again I promise I won’t float in the air no not this time