You woke me, Death, and I saw you -
standing at the end of my bed

A shadow darker than the dark;
faceless and looking right at me

I looked back
and my blood froze

I recoiled and you were gone,
but you haven't really left me

It's been days since I last slept -
I look as though I've aged by years

Your presence is taking a toll on me, Death

How much more must I endure?

I am the sudden coldness in a room.
I am the movement that catches your eye.
The familiar perfume that turns your head in a crowd
And the heaviness on your shoulder that comforts you.

I am the voice that whispers your name
And the feeling that you’re not alone.
I am here and I am patient my love.
Do not hurry to join me.


Gail Lapping 5/4/19

I haunt the shadows of your thoughts

My nails rip from their beds
clawing sanity
just trying to climb out of
my feelings

my fight leaves breadcrumbs
but light causes shadows
even in the brightest smile

and while I prefer the shade
...or used to

I churn to life in that place where
my ebb meets your flow

**

You haunt the shadows of my thoughts

You run non-stop
floating on surface tension
knowing the pit is hollow
...it just seemed easier that way

My kindness
as comforting as it is cruel
in the shadows behind a smile
that blinds me
...beautifully

It feels like magic
where your ebb meets my flow

Float on that surface tension
I'll wait in the hollow

It's hard to move when we
neither run nor chase

Death lives within these walls.
It seeped up through the attic rafters,
Settled down in the furthest recesses,
And it waited for me.

I know you, Death.
We become more familiar with each passing day.
You are the movement in my peripheral in an empty room;
The whisper in my ear originating from nowhere;
The hair on my arms and neck standing, unprovoked;
The unease slowly building within me.

The cat knows you, too.
I see her watching you as you move throughout the house,
Never turning her back to you.
She is protecting me.
Even when you call her name, she will not leave my side.
She arches her back in warning when you get too close -
Is she warning you to stay away?
Or warning me that you are approaching?

I sense you are getting stronger, Death.
I feel you when you slink up beside me and linger there -
But yesterday you touched me.
It froze me to my soul, and to the spot where I was standing.
Unable to move.
Unable to breathe.
Gripped by a terror I've never known before,
But understand I will know again.

My light is slowly fading into your darkness
And I feel helpless to stop it.
What do you want from me, Death?
And how far will you go to get it?

THIS:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCHL9b6nBXA



(sonnet #MMMMMMMDCCCII)


Watch Paul McCartney's erm, debut of thence
That soulful number "Yesterday." and they'll
What, eh?  If's not the song itself t'avail,
How 'bout John Lennon's snide remark for sense
To Ringo, was't?  As if there was fr'intents
This rivalry which could not in betrayl
Be satisfied to have Paul up (sans bail?)
Alone on stage where all the girls cooed hence.
As if they did not cry for John in tour,
And that by name, he must begrudge it too?
I'm just a child in sheer compare as twere,
Yet "all grown-up" now to effect, see through
Their boyish ways and fall in love, though's poor.
While "Yesterday's" notes never fail to woo.

22Mar19b

Pain is not a metal I like to treasure,
But I store it in my heart
Since it needs a place to stay.
I can’t bury it or run away,
Since I’ve already looked it in the eyes.
I’ve given it my soul,
Unrested and Unbreakable
As fragile as a moment
But as strong as an emotion,
A quiet storm unable to use its tongue
To tell anyone what’s going on.
I’m lost in the sky,
Just trying to find a haven where I can pour out the sounds,
The songs
And the rhythms.
Trying to let go of these ghosts
With a pencil and paper
But I know that I’ll walk this road alone,
With only my ghosts and my thoughts.
I know I’ll forever remain
Haunted.