Blue jeans fused to the office chair
One foot tucked under the other knee
Stuck in place watching your dreams

Unfold through a dead eyed stare
Never felt so social, have you?
Have you?

With such strong connection,
Did you figure this condition
Could only get worse?

I've barely used my life
Since I saw proof of yours

A powerful euphoric sensation rushes to my brain when I inhale the crack ******* leaving me appalled for twenty one seconds to contemplate a super rush of dopamine into my central nervous system that hits me immediately an intense pleasant sensation is felt with a overly joyful feeling. The rush lasts about 2-5 minutes then slowly begins to come down I start to feel a slight paranoia then an uncomfortable feeling sets in midway to the  euphoric high and after 10 minute mark I start to crave to repeat the powerful high. Like a thunderbolt energizing my whole body and rushing  thoughts come crashing down at the 15 minute mark I begin to feel unsatisfied with myself wanting to repeat the vicious cycle all over again. Once I hit 20 minutes I feel like a cheap ***** who's been used and abused by the drug itself and this feeling of restlessness and dysphoria sets in leaving me once again alone and feeling slightly discontent. **** where can I get more hard again and there I once again start talking to myself creating fictitious illments and materializing maladies. That is chasing the Great White Dragon in a state of misery and despair. I was hooked but now am healed thru the 12 steps and the Grace of Almighty God.  I am now 40 days clean and sober...I am sincere and certain not to pick up this again for if I do I'll will ruin my life or better yet put me in a casket.  By the Grace of Adonai I praise thee for saving this wretched addict. Now and forevermore in debt with the Lord. Amen!

Let me go,
I want to wander away from my home,
From all I've ever known,
But I am scared,
And I am scarred,
And the cold, harsh wind of reality
Burns my flesh
As it rips my wounds open again.
As I grow, I am stretched,
And I am afraid of getting tall.

Growing taller means you will hurt more when you fall.

Growing taller means you must be above what you once were,
Means seeing all that others below you cannot.

Getting taller means growing up.

I will write about you tonight in hopes to have the right words to describe the day we first met
When you walked up to me and introduced yourself, when I first looked at your eyes and my world changed forever
I will write about you tonight and how you brought colors to my world of black and white
I will write about your smile and how your touch sent chills down my spine
I will write about you tonight and how I felt like you were an answered prayer, a prayer I’ve been making for a long time
I will write about you tonight and how you came into my life all of a sudden and ended my longing, my lonely, my hopeless
I will write about you tonight and how you made me feel like a child being in love for the first time, innocent, naïve, carefree

I will write about you tonight and how it felt like heaven in your arms
I will write about your voice and how it always gave comfort in the middle of all the noise
I will write about the way you made me feel safe despite the storm, how you felt like the calm, the peace, the rest I needed when the world was being too scary or tiring
I will write about how you felt like home in a new city, a familiar face in a crowded town full of strangers
I will write about how you would hold me and tell me you love me and the world doesn’t seem so chaotic anymore
I will write about that time when we were laughing and I looked at you and I realized I wanted to grow old with you, I wanted to be the one to hold your hand for the rest of our lives
I will write about how we promised to stay together no matter what happens, how we would conquer things life will throw at us
I will write about how we planned on getting married, have kids, and live a happy life
I will write about the love we shared – the love that made everyone else jealous
I will write about how it felt like it was going to last forever – but didn’t

I will write about you tonight
I will write about how everything turned blurry all of a sudden
I will write about the time when everything got confusing, exhausting, boring, lame
When the lively, colorful world began shaking and the colors started to fade
I will write about that time when the sparks died, when we got too comfortable, and took the little things for granted
I will write about that time when we no longer have a clear picture of what we were fighting for, and when there were way too many times when we didn’t know what we were fighting about
I will write about that time when there were more “I’m sorry I can’t make it” rather than “I will find a way”
The times when there were more “I miss you” rather than “I’m on my way to see you”
I will write about that time when we had arguments after arguments and how they didn’t seem to end
I will write about that time when we would only say “I love you” out of habit
I will write about that time when the sun has already set on us
I will write about you tonight because tonight…
I am drowning in this ocean of missing you

We had a love that burned so bright, a love that ignited a fire so big but quickly burned out
We had the kind of love that took away all fears, the love that watered the dead plants in my chest, and grew a garden inside my broken soul
The same love drowned out all of my energy, the life in me
I’d love to think that our love was too good to be true and so it had to end
The ocean of love that I was swimming into, with you holding my hand, is the same ocean that tried to drown both of us, struggling to get out of it, to swim to the surface, we had to let go
You drifted too far from me, too far that I can no longer see you, I can no longer feel you
That was when we realized love wasn’t always enough for something to remain the same
Thinking about it, I realized I can reminisce the things we did all I want, but I have already forgotten the joy of being in love and being loved in return

And that is why, tonight, I will write about you
I will write about you tonight
As if it can take us back to the time when love was enough
I will write about you tonight
As if it can take away all the pain, heal the wounds we gave each other
I will write about you tonight
As if it can stop you from drifting too far and bring you back to my arms
I will write about you tonight
As if it can ease the pain of missing you
I will write about you tonight
Like what I always do
I will write about you tonight
Because I know someday, I will no longer write about you
And you will be just another poem, another metaphor, another story
But that isn’t today
So tonight,
I will write about you.

I do things and I say things.
I'm far from perfect.
Its clear I care about you.
Because this jealous rage isn't easy.
To hold onto the handles and say the right words.

I went and did it again.
I always do it again.
I don't know why you forgive me.
The way you do.
I just hope you can once more.
I'm trying to do better, to be better.

You'll always be the sun shining through my clouds.
One day I won't just be the bad weather.

I am** five, and I still hold a certain sparkle in my eyes as I look up at my mother with pure awe and devout love for a woman who I assume to be my hero, my teacher, my one true love. Never would anyone replace a child’s love for their mother, right? She is the one who brought you into this world, and teaches you how to walk, how to speak, how to eat and how to be. She is the one who is there when you cry, when you scrape your knee, when you have a fever or just want a hug from mummy. No one can replace that. No one will love you like your mother…

I am eleven, and my mother is the bane of my life. She won’t let me go and see my friends because I didn’t clean my room. She is such a *****, right? We argue, we make up, then we argue some more… It’s a never ending spiral of “I HATE YOU, YOU’RE RUINING MY LIFE” and “I’m so sorry mum, I didn’t mean the things I said”. I still appreciate what she does- making my dinner and cleaning my room, giving me some cash to go into town with my friends, always being there when I need a cuddle. Sorry for being a horrible daughter mum, I love you…

I am fifteen, and I realize now that the last few years I have been nothing but horrible to my mother, who does all she can for me to have a good life even when she’s struggling. Finances are a *****, and life is **** but we still carry on trying to make the best out of it. I love her and she is the one constant in my life. Fallouts with friends and boy troubles? Forget all that, I’ve got my mum. I see my friends argue constantly with their mothers and all I can think is, “I’ve been there and trust me, one day you’ll regret it”. My mum tells me stories of how my dad is just an annoyance and not worth the space he takes up, and I’m ashamed to say it, but I believe her. Because she is my mother, she would never lie to me, right? Right…

I am eighteen, and my mother is no longer a part of my life. Words occasionally exchanged, I see her every few months when I come home from university. But it’s not the same. You see, my mother is not good. She is rude, and untruthful, and unfaithful and this is not what you want to see from your mother. She moved out, took her stuff and ****** right off. My mother, my hero, my one true love has done the unthinkable and left me behind. She can try to redeem herself by defending her actions and saying that she “deserves happiness too” but in reality, she’s wrong, and there’s nothing she can do…

I am now forgetting the good times, when my mother was… well, a mother.
I am now seeing her for what she really is, and I truly wish I wasn’t.
I am now realizing she is volatile. She’s the common denominator.
I am now becoming immune to the pain she causes, and to the promises she’s failed to keep before.
I am my mother’s child but she is not my mother, not anymore…

you know when you go to someone's house and the only conditioner they have is two in one?
running into you felt like the polar opposite of that.
above us and within us was poetry in bloom
and hours later we found ourselves in my best friend's room
with our hair intertwined
because those who know both of us
thought you should be **mine.