Sadness drips
While the mind wanders
To what used to be
Back when we made wonders

Tears glisten
While the ears listen
To what once was music
That played to our rhythm

Hands shake
While the body yearns
You came too close
Only to have you turn

Time passes
While the heart heals
The memories are fading
Slowly through the years

Just Peachy

Sitting in the bath eating a peach,
Out of reach shampoo and things.
I use my fingers.
Conditioner smushed * into hair,
I wait for gunk to work.
Head dunked an inch below the water
And still chewing, crunch intensified a thousand fold.
Damp pad and all,  I hold the pad in front of me and write.
That’s what I call exciting!

I get dafter by the day –
Soldier-bolder,
Hanging-from-the-rafters thing
I fling all trivia aside.
Riding time on high.
I’m ridin’ high* on time;
Strategies unplanned.

smush; my own word, meaning a mixture of smash/knead/crush/massage/rub/knead
**See Cole Porter

Just Peachy 9.18.2017
A Sense Of The Ridiculous II; Circling Round Baths II;
Arlene Corwin

Once I Was Young

A cliché maybe,
For the multitudes have said it,
Yet,
One thinks it now and then,
In one way or another.
Situation, circumstance transport it to
The frontal lobe.
One probes the wardrobe of the brain
Where dreams have lain
And lie there still, so very still and quiet.

But today I chanced to see
A photograph of me
And chanced to say,
“Once I was young”.  
It did not feel like cliché,
But fresh, revivifying
Memories I had not thought about,
Affections that now brought about
Sensations not particularly rosy –
But not jarring either.
More a nosy statement not opposing fact;
In fact, prosaic,
Dry.

I
Once
Was young
Not to
Be that again.  
Do you
Experience that also?

Once I Was Young 7.23.2017
Birth, Death & In Between II; Circling Round Aging;
Arlene Corwin

Blue jeans fused to the office chair
One foot tucked under the other knee
Stuck in place watching your dreams

Unfold through a dead eyed stare
Never felt so social, have you?
Have you?

With such strong connection,
Did you figure this condition
Could only get worse?

I've barely used my life
Since I saw proof of yours

A powerful euphoric sensation rushes to my brain when I inhale the crack ******* leaving me appalled for twenty one seconds to contemplate a super rush of dopamine into my central nervous system that hits me immediately an intense pleasant sensation is felt with a overly joyful feeling. The rush lasts about 2-5 minutes then slowly begins to come down I start to feel a slight paranoia then an uncomfortable feeling sets in midway to the  euphoric high and after 10 minute mark I start to crave to repeat the powerful high. Like a thunderbolt energizing my whole body and rushing  thoughts come crashing down at the 15 minute mark I begin to feel unsatisfied with myself wanting to repeat the vicious cycle all over again. Once I hit 20 minutes I feel like a cheap ***** who's been used and abused by the drug itself and this feeling of restlessness and dysphoria sets in leaving me once again alone and feeling slightly discontent. **** where can I get more hard again and there I once again start talking to myself creating fictitious illments and materializing maladies. That is chasing the Great White Dragon in a state of misery and despair. I was hooked but now am healed thru the 12 steps and the Grace of Almighty God.  I am now 40 days clean and sober...I am sincere and certain not to pick up this again for if I do I'll will ruin my life or better yet put me in a casket.  By the Grace of Adonai I praise thee for saving this wretched addict. Now and forevermore in debt with the Lord. Amen!

Let me go,
I want to wander away from my home,
From all I've ever known,
But I am scared,
And I am scarred,
And the cold, harsh wind of reality
Burns my flesh
As it rips my wounds open again.
As I grow, I am stretched,
And I am afraid of getting tall.

Growing taller means you will hurt more when you fall.

Growing taller means you must be above what you once were,
Means seeing all that others below you cannot.

Getting taller means growing up.

I will write about you tonight in hopes to have the right words to describe the day we first met
When you walked up to me and introduced yourself, when I first looked at your eyes and my world changed forever
I will write about you tonight and how you brought colors to my world of black and white
I will write about your smile and how your touch sent chills down my spine
I will write about you tonight and how I felt like you were an answered prayer, a prayer I’ve been making for a long time
I will write about you tonight and how you came into my life all of a sudden and ended my longing, my lonely, my hopeless
I will write about you tonight and how you made me feel like a child being in love for the first time, innocent, naïve, carefree

I will write about you tonight and how it felt like heaven in your arms
I will write about your voice and how it always gave comfort in the middle of all the noise
I will write about the way you made me feel safe despite the storm, how you felt like the calm, the peace, the rest I needed when the world was being too scary or tiring
I will write about how you felt like home in a new city, a familiar face in a crowded town full of strangers
I will write about how you would hold me and tell me you love me and the world doesn’t seem so chaotic anymore
I will write about that time when we were laughing and I looked at you and I realized I wanted to grow old with you, I wanted to be the one to hold your hand for the rest of our lives
I will write about how we promised to stay together no matter what happens, how we would conquer things life will throw at us
I will write about how we planned on getting married, have kids, and live a happy life
I will write about the love we shared – the love that made everyone else jealous
I will write about how it felt like it was going to last forever – but didn’t

I will write about you tonight
I will write about how everything turned blurry all of a sudden
I will write about the time when everything got confusing, exhausting, boring, lame
When the lively, colorful world began shaking and the colors started to fade
I will write about that time when the sparks died, when we got too comfortable, and took the little things for granted
I will write about that time when we no longer have a clear picture of what we were fighting for, and when there were way too many times when we didn’t know what we were fighting about
I will write about that time when there were more “I’m sorry I can’t make it” rather than “I will find a way”
The times when there were more “I miss you” rather than “I’m on my way to see you”
I will write about that time when we had arguments after arguments and how they didn’t seem to end
I will write about that time when we would only say “I love you” out of habit
I will write about that time when the sun has already set on us
I will write about you tonight because tonight…
I am drowning in this ocean of missing you

We had a love that burned so bright, a love that ignited a fire so big but quickly burned out
We had the kind of love that took away all fears, the love that watered the dead plants in my chest, and grew a garden inside my broken soul
The same love drowned out all of my energy, the life in me
I’d love to think that our love was too good to be true and so it had to end
The ocean of love that I was swimming into, with you holding my hand, is the same ocean that tried to drown both of us, struggling to get out of it, to swim to the surface, we had to let go
You drifted too far from me, too far that I can no longer see you, I can no longer feel you
That was when we realized love wasn’t always enough for something to remain the same
Thinking about it, I realized I can reminisce the things we did all I want, but I have already forgotten the joy of being in love and being loved in return

And that is why, tonight, I will write about you
I will write about you tonight
As if it can take us back to the time when love was enough
I will write about you tonight
As if it can take away all the pain, heal the wounds we gave each other
I will write about you tonight
As if it can stop you from drifting too far and bring you back to my arms
I will write about you tonight
As if it can ease the pain of missing you
I will write about you tonight
Like what I always do
I will write about you tonight
Because I know someday, I will no longer write about you
And you will be just another poem, another metaphor, another story
But that isn’t today
So tonight,
I will write about you.