I am** five, and I still hold a certain sparkle in my eyes as I look up at my mother with pure awe and devout love for a woman who I assume to be my hero, my teacher, my one true love. Never would anyone replace a child’s love for their mother, right? She is the one who brought you into this world, and teaches you how to walk, how to speak, how to eat and how to be. She is the one who is there when you cry, when you scrape your knee, when you have a fever or just want a hug from mummy. No one can replace that. No one will love you like your mother…

I am eleven, and my mother is the bane of my life. She won’t let me go and see my friends because I didn’t clean my room. She is such a *****, right? We argue, we make up, then we argue some more… It’s a never ending spiral of “I HATE YOU, YOU’RE RUINING MY LIFE” and “I’m so sorry mum, I didn’t mean the things I said”. I still appreciate what she does- making my dinner and cleaning my room, giving me some cash to go into town with my friends, always being there when I need a cuddle. Sorry for being a horrible daughter mum, I love you…

I am fifteen, and I realize now that the last few years I have been nothing but horrible to my mother, who does all she can for me to have a good life even when she’s struggling. Finances are a *****, and life is **** but we still carry on trying to make the best out of it. I love her and she is the one constant in my life. Fallouts with friends and boy troubles? Forget all that, I’ve got my mum. I see my friends argue constantly with their mothers and all I can think is, “I’ve been there and trust me, one day you’ll regret it”. My mum tells me stories of how my dad is just an annoyance and not worth the space he takes up, and I’m ashamed to say it, but I believe her. Because she is my mother, she would never lie to me, right? Right…

I am eighteen, and my mother is no longer a part of my life. Words occasionally exchanged, I see her every few months when I come home from university. But it’s not the same. You see, my mother is not good. She is rude, and untruthful, and unfaithful and this is not what you want to see from your mother. She moved out, took her stuff and ****** right off. My mother, my hero, my one true love has done the unthinkable and left me behind. She can try to redeem herself by defending her actions and saying that she “deserves happiness too” but in reality, she’s wrong, and there’s nothing she can do…

I am now forgetting the good times, when my mother was… well, a mother.
I am now seeing her for what she really is, and I truly wish I wasn’t.
I am now realizing she is volatile. She’s the common denominator.
I am now becoming immune to the pain she causes, and to the promises she’s failed to keep before.
I am my mother’s child but she is not my mother, not anymore…

you know when you go to someone's house and the only conditioner they have is two in one?
running into you felt like the polar opposite of that.
above us and within us was poetry in bloom
and hours later we found ourselves in my best friend's room
with our hair intertwined
because those who know both of us
thought you should be **mine.

Doors, windows, all nailed shut
An overgrown lawn that hasn't been cut
In over a year, or maybe two
That's how long its been
Since I last saw you.
I walk on your porch
Cautious that the floorboards don't creak
Remembering you makes my heart weak
Because the time away from you
Has added years to my heart
And I really don't think that we can be apart
So I gather my strength, my hands start to shake
My fists squeezed so hard that my fingernails break
I clench down my teeth, my confidence is high
The more I wait, the more this plan goes awry
One more glance at my feet, and to myself I agree
I know once I knock my past is behind me
I raise my arm and knock on the frame
And realize that there was nothing to gain
For when opening the door, it seems it was never blocked
The door, this whole time, has been unlocked.

Shaky, stuttered breaths
Like there's no oxygen left
That's what you do to me
I'm sitting in the hallway on the stairs
It's like I was never even there
The light is dim
But I don't care
I wish you were here
To clear
My blurry, sloppy tears

This is the me that I am
Lipstick and mascara on
Flirting and giggling
Eating soft ice cream
The world in my hands
The laughter is my song

This is the me that I am
Tangled up between the sheets
No words spoken
Just voices and silent screams
Crazy and desperate
For a little bit of hope

This is the me that I am
Smiling and singing my sorrows
While tending to others' wounds
Praying that somehow
When they get better
I will get better, too

It's hard to get over
The past.
It's just, really
*******
Hard.
But I'm trying.
I'm doing my best to forget it;
To forget you.