the freeze came in the night
    
           it ate the lilies and froze the
                                
                                water in the pond it killed
    
                                                 the limes on my tree
                              
                             ­   now the moss and shrubs

           are matted to the ground like

your ****** hair that day.

[ i am going in the wrong direction].

So many times before I sat there watching
Waiting, vegetating, it's so aggravating,
Waiting for this hell to freeze over.
I am in an ice box, I guess that's good as long
As it's inside a place I live, because then at least
I get to pace around or dream as is.

You sit there patting me on the head like I'm a stupid dog,
"There there, you'll get over your dreams. We all had to
At one point." I'm supposed to just sit here and feel golden,
This my darkest hour, the only thing I have left is that
I'm here where I can be a "pretty flower," but still I feel
I have no future with all of my dreams stolen.

I would give anything but to feel the fires of youth and life,
Now I get to be whatever else and poor as I am "free."

*One man's trash is another man's treasure, indeed...

I feel the cold seeping in through the walls,
and I stare out the window at the snow that falls.
My eyes are tired and the silent news channel that's playing annoys me.
I wish you'd sleep in your bed and not on the couch, it's depressing.

As the leader leaves, out the door into the freezing,
I climb back up the stairs to my room and feel sad I got up so early.
Why doesn't anyone inform me of plans they have that include me?
I take off two layers and want to go back to sleep... but I'll be awake in another hour either way.

1.

Can I be Frozen?

at 0 degrees Celsius Water Freezes.
am I so fluid that I have the same resistance?
you are made of 50-60% water.
half of your body freezes at this tempature.

I am still not cold.

at -2 degrees Celsius Human Blood Freezes.
Am I a deadly cold?
Am I hypothermia?
at what point do you numb your hands lose feeling in your toes??
fingers, legs,
stop motor function
lay still in a wet snow bed
waiting for your body to stop
It has already slowed so much
do you die from freezing?
is the numbness the sign
you are getting cold?

I am still not cold.

At -121 degrees Celsius, serotonin freezes.
your well-being crackles on a car window
the remaining strands of happiness, form icicles.
you cannot regulate your mood,
or appetite, or sleep patterns,
you are unpredictable and sick.
Serotonin heals wounds,
with it frozen, the scars you have collected, stay open.

I am still not cold.

At -128 degrees Celsius Dopamine freezes.
With your desire Frozen, no sense of Reward
You sleep more, eat more.
slipped into depression
you aren't addicted to anything anymore
unmotivated, and upper-less
given up Coffee, chocolate,
can't even have ***.
-128 degrees Celsius has even frozen your bedroom.
You are a hedonists worst nightmare.

I am still not cold.

at -211.5 Degrees Celsius, Adrenaline Freezes.
Your heart stopped racing,
No more sweat, dry mouth.
The initial fight or flight reaction, slowed.
You saw less red.
Stopped buying Epi-pens in packs of two
killed yourself saving the $600
Boycotted Epinephrine's codependency.
Adrenaline helped your heart put out.
-211.5 degrees Celsius has revoked your anticipation,

I am getting cold.

at -218.8 degrees Celsius, oxygen freezes.
crystallized on naked winter trees
each panic attack wheezes a Marlboro lung
gasps the surrounding air
vacuums icy lifeless C02
without oxygen you turn purple

I am Frozen.

2.

I set fire to the blankets you used
like in-scents or prayer candles
tasted you hot in my lungs like cigarette smoke
if not for long, for memorial
your afghans burned to ashes
each night, I still covered myself in them
pulled them over my head
rubbed them into my eyes
swallowed them every morning
like vitamins or anti-depressants
because as frozen as my blood,
oxygen, water in my body was
your memories were cremated
my addiction to you was cryogenic
Walt Disney isn't going to bring you back to me
I will not fetch fire wood.
I will be cold.
I will die in this winter
I know falling though thin Ice is just drowning
which is no different from a frozen lung.
Your frozen heart.
how am I to pull farther from you
when death is as close to me
as any other flurry?

I can be Frozen deep into cryogenic slumber.
Thawed by some hearth,
or warm heart.
You called this feeling,
"Melting", didn't you?
Feel it again. and again.
It is always me, coming back.
Haunting you in the ashes and snow.

3.

You've Thawed.
Do you remember me?
It's been awhile.
My Name Is Love.

Even thaw is met with freeze
Even rivers cannot flow
Winter brings her blunt breeze
Winds of change, cease to blow

And here, stuck in the ice
Of winter water's wake
Memories, they fall heavy
Yet ice they will not break.

Numbed down, chilled deep
Bated breath in thawing time
Though we lost our melody
The words I wrote still rhyme.

In time, the seasons change
Winter's sting no longer felt
Til then, in frozen frost I wait
To move, to mend, to melt.

|b.g.|

never look to be clothed
by the one who sat there
and watched you freeze
-s

So warm with subtle life.
Rolling desert hills and splotches of green.
I loved your plains.
Oh, the tanned beauty.

But I, from the north east,
could never predict the drought.
For seasons don't change in the desert,
and rain rarely falls upon the plains.

I was going through the terms.
All the snow, and changing of leaves.
You watched with great admiration.
And your dry surface cracked.
And I knew you could never freeze.

Poor little fly
Fighting just to survive
No one saw it's demise but me
As he struggled not to freeze
First he flew in little hops
But to soon that stops
Then he walked in endless circles in the Sun's rays
But soon that too gave way
Now he lays frozen stiff
I wonder if me seeing made a diff
That this little flys last moments on earth
Didn't go unnoticed, and to a little poem had given birth

This poor little flys fight
Is a lot like my own sad sight
Wonder if anyone sees my slow decent
How this life is leaving me bent
Wonder if when I finally freeze and die
Will anyone notice and wonder why
Or see how I fought to survive
Just like that little fly