I never was the kind of girl
Who hid my face
Was not afraid to tell the world
What I had to say

But this nightmare came
Knocking at my door
I can't let it show
The inside is so hollow, so hollow

This ain't real, this ain't me
I'm not exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Can't let the light shine on me
Now I've lost who I am
The only way to hold it in
Is just hiding who I wanna be
*** this ain't me.

Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark?
To dream about a life where you know who you are
Even though it seems like it's so close to me
I just can't believe in myself, it's the only thing

This ain't real, this ain't me
I'm not exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Can't let the light shine on me
Now I've lost who I am
The only way to hold it in
Is just hiding who I wanna be
*** this ain't me.

I'm the voice you hear inside your head
I'm why your ears are ringing
You need to find me
You gotta find me

I'm the missing piece you need
The reason that you're falling
You need to find me
You gotta find me

This ain't real, this ain't me
I'm not exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Can't let the light shine on me
Now I've lost who I am
The only way to hold it in
Is just hiding who I wanna be
*** this ain't me.

This ain't me

But I can find who I am
And keep myself from holding in
No more hating who I used to be
*** that ain't me.

Your apologies
are empty and I don't give
out second chances

4:32 PM
30/11/20

In a beautiful dawn, I fall silently
Every single day, yes surely.

Dear, you forgot everything carefully,
How could you had said good bye so naturally?

Every night you came by,
Like a queen from the sky.

You came with the letter of eloquence,
And with the  melodious song and sequence.

Evening to night, we played Snakes and Ladders,
I lost many times, so that your crescent smile would had showed up, my dear.

We dreamed with our pairs of lips,
We talked with our pair of eyes.

So many words,
And so many songs.

Dear, you forgot everything carefully,
How could you had said good bye so naturally?

I don't think about you anymore
I don't  dream us anymore.

I spent my life to forget you and me,
Yet,  you stayed at my memory and me.  

In a beautiful dawn, I fall silently
Every single day, yes surely.

This place
It feels familiar
Darkness envelopes me
I stick my hand out
At arms length is a wall
Four corners
No door
Trapped

I reach above
Right over my head
Is the top
It feels familiar
These wall's surrounding me
On all sides are
Damp

I take a deep breath
The air is dry
Despite the walls
Each breath leaving me
Makes me thirsty

Suddenly, there's a light
Seeping through the walls
It was dim
But just enough
I find it
The way out

A handle
Clearly wan't there
Before
I open the door
And sprint through

SLAM!
Darkness
What happened?

This place
It feels familiar
Darkness envelopes me
I stick my hand out
Four corners
No door
Repeat

kiss me to draw out the poison
of those who came before.
Run your fingers on my skin
to erase greedy hands and stolen strokes.
Possess my body,
entrance me with your mouth,
with hungry lips and burning hands.
I’ll rise to meet you,
let my skin meld to yours,
until we’re bound together to meet
the ugliness of the world.

I should stop this fruitless job
‎of keeping obsolete little things
‎that never did
‎anything good for me.
‎Maybe i should start
‎by unfolding old unsent letters
‎bare from the enthusiasm i used to
‎envelope them in.
‎Then, i'll throw away pretty glass bottles,
emptied by their contents
‎of sweet perfumes and wild dreams.
‎Pick up plastic beads ,
‎loose from the strings tied
by friendships
‎i used to wrap around my wrists.
‎I should discard useless trinkets,
‎cute nothings and dead mementos.
‎Declutter and make room-
‎for other things ,
‎like self-appreciation,
‎growth,love
  and
‎maybe a pen
‎ or two.

I am once again
torn between forgiving them
and forgetting them

6:29 PM
7/11/20

Not every action
worth a reaction
Learn to let go
and your heart will be
at peace

you envy me for my resilience,

but you forget
the way I break harder than needed.