I am missing a large portion of my heart
A lot inside that's been slashed apart
Forfeited innocence in order to get high
Need to understand it
Need to know why

Need a magnifying glass to see the clues
I'm free to find all the ways that before I did lose
Thoughts kept me on the brink of drowning every day
In the nightmare failing to take me away

I ate and overgorged on rich fantasies
Like colored candy ingested impossibilities
Needed more than temporary flavor
Needed a taste I could always savor

Feed my demons with an abundance of doubt
Awakened in body inside and out
Infestation of insecurity
Like plankton multiplying
Blooming in sea

Floor barely visible underneath clustered stuff
Ask myself why I don't care enough
Brain needs rewiring in the worst kind of way
Stopped feeling human
Instead a statue made of clay

To fix all that is broken is an unrealistic concept
Dance around things I'm not ready to accept
Cloak my open wounds
Hide pain that's only mine to know
Pretend underneath is as undamaged as the parts that show

i very quickly become attached
to those with a bleeding heart
because i see myself in them

i want to make them better
i want to fix their brokenness
and maybe it's selfish
but
i think i hope that by fixing them
i'll learn to fix myself too

a thought of you was made up in my mind
a picture perfect scene
maybe confused with a famous movie scene
where the girl fixes the boy
love grows and all is well
that's not how life works
no fixes are made
the same is still the same
I really thought I could
that's the true shame

Even after so long
the red glass still ****** my fingers
and I still see the world of eros love
as a dark room
full of people
with glowing red hearts in their hands
Strong and healthy, they walk into people's arms
with happy smiles and kisses
not a single cautious move is shown
not a single tear is shed in fear
I'm sitting on my knees
on the cold, hard floor
in the center
begging and crying
for someone to pick me up
even though I know
that it had always been my own hands
that lifted me
and that it will always be that way
My heart lays on the ground
the glow is dimmer than the shadow people
that walk around me
ignoring me
ignorant or self absorbed
they step on the already shattered pieces
grinding the red into a glass powder
Some people reach out and pull away their hands
laughing cruelly
teeth glinting red from the hearts they have already devoured
but my own is too wretched and tampered with
for even them to want it.

I don't think I can fix this alone anymore.

I'm ready and willing to fix you
even if it means giving you a piece of me,
and that's what scares me about love

©L.F.

Chasing after me was no other than Him.
The One above the skies was The One Who hear my cries.
He'd always hear me whine as time would go by.
Nothing beats the moments when I hear His heart beat for me.
The time froze for Him and I, to sit down and talk things out.
A broken heart to me, is an opportunity for Him.
To mend, comfort and make me stronger again.
He'll never leave me alone, even if the whole world does so.

I can feel the patterns,
the pieces you try to put together.
Trying to accept what you feel.
Oh baby, the world has poisoned you.
You drank it all and it made you delusional.
It has shown you that love is a rip-off, a hoax, something worthless.
That love is nothing more than a four letter word.
You kept on drinking and drinking their toxic substance because they promised you it wouldn’t mind anyway.
You even started to like the taste of it.
But the way you gaze into my eyes.
I know you know better.
Their poison did not **** you yet.
We still have time so let me.
Let me be your cure, your antidote, your remedy.
It’s not too late.
Just let me,
love you.