My sweet, Forever-Beautiful..
I am flying out to Port Angeles Washington in a few weeks
to see my Mother who is 92 years old and dying.
My middle sister and her husband live there.
My Mother is in Sequim, which is the next town over.
She has her own apartment but will be moving in with Elaine
by the time I get there.
She has been fighting cancer for almost 20 years now.
This is what I want to say to you, sweet-one..
My trip out there is where the rubber meets the road within
all that I have been saying to you throughout the years..
and without what I know will happen there once I am with her..
my love is not Awake and Alive,
but only the empty ramblings of a deranged man.
My father died suddenly in 2013 at 83, but spoke to me on the
phone for two hours just the day before he passed. It was one of
the most magical two hours I have ever experienced.
Most of his dying wishes were for myself and my sisters,
and all of his grandchildren.. that we all would be able
to carry on in peace.. free from the pain and chaos,
which was all we knew when young. Momma needs to know
that not only is she forgiven,
but that while she remains here with us on Earth..
she is the light and Joy of my life.
She is my Momma, sweet friend. It hasn't been easy.
She (and my Father) no longer have a hold on me
they once did years ago. I am going to go out there
and kiss her and my sisters and thank them all for my life.
I am as a hero in the eyes of my three sisters, who have
not all been as fortunate in the overcoming process,
but have all done well in the process of getting well
and sometimes, in just trying to survive.
I love you, sweet Beautiful. I always have.
You can do this, girl.. you can feel and become the freedom
of all of who you were placed here on Earth to be..
and you will become able to do it fully and completely--
in full relationship with all of who it is that you are
within your own, beautiful self.
I came across you for a reason. You were the most defiant
and mischievous of all, yet have turned out to be one
of the very best souls I have ever known.
I will never let you go from the place you hold in my heart
and I will never stop believing in you.
I'm gonna be with my Momma soon.
I have never-ending kisses for her. She told me recently
that I am the most special man she have ever known.
Those are much different words than the ones I had hammered
into me when I was a little boy.. so many years ago.
You and I have much in common that way.
She's from Denmark. She would have truly loved you
within the magical aura that surrounds you wherever you go..
had you two ever met. She got into the 12-step process after
her and my Dad split up when I was 13. By the time I was 25,
she was a completely rehabilitated person. But even now
she carries that deep horrendous, soul-killing darkness in her.
I have kisses for her.
I will gladly take that darkness on so that she can feel..
even if for just one moment, what a world of peace
and freedom truly feels like.
Darkness has no hold on me, beautiful girl.
I am no longer that little boy.. who by her choice, (to not)
.. was made to wear it--
over.. and over.. and over again
until I had become completely broken..
-- Completely.
When I was young, I unknowingly carried for her
what she, herself.. would not.
Now that I am a grown man-- through volition alone,
I will gladly for her, take that **** on
so that she won't ever.. ever again, have to.
.. Gladly.
I love you more than you may ever know. 🌾🌾xox
For my Momma..
and every single one of you
that makes my heart sing--
and for me. to me--
for my own, true self
yeah.. just like that
The very thought of you makes my heart sing
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.
The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms
In the hush of night while you're in my arms.
I feel your lips, so warm and tender,
My one and only love.
The touch of your hand is like heaven,
A heaven that I've never known.
The blush on your cheek whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own.
You fill my eager heart with such desire.
Ev'ry kiss you give sets my soul on fire.
I give myself in sweet surrender,
My one and only love.
https://youtu.be/NfaN1BsniI0
an ode, to the process of overcoming.
Iloveyou
