When I was young, I used to think I was good
That I was smart, wise, moral
I used to think I knew the right answers
To all the right questions.
I used to think I was Invincible that I could do anything.
Be anything.
Worst of all, I used to think i could do no wrong.
Or hurt anybody I truly cared about
I was wrong.
When we're young,we're often praised for our fearlessness
We don't look before we leap.
We march into danger with smiles on our faces, steel in our bones and a song in our hearts.
And like Icarus, we see only the glory of our destination,
We feel only the wind in our sails spurring us forward, sending us soaring in open skies.
We burn our lives ferociously because we do not yet know the taste of tragedy.
And burn we did, you and I.
It begun not with a spark,
but like a wildfire,
An all consuming blaze that swept through my life and cleansed the hollowed out and raw parts of my soul.
For days on end, your laugh, your mischievous smile, your soft yet attentive gaze filled my every thought
I yearned to bask in the light of your presence
At night, i yearned to hear the sound of your voice
I felt giddy at our awkward flirtations, our late night meetings under the moon, our dawn walks before the world awoke
I cherished our conversations about the travails of Harry Potter, the rap/pop genius of Post Malone, the heart wrenching yet upbeat melodies of one direction and all the nerdy little things that we never had the chance to fully express with anyone
In your eyes,
In your voice,
I felt no judgment for who or what i was
In your presence, I felt safe,
I felt like myself
When we're young, everything feels new, different.
I didn't know the extent of this feeling of wanting to be with you all the time
I never questioned nor guessed what it meant
I never understood the effort you took to spend time with me
I knew it took alot out of you
I knew it took time, money and you put yourself at risk
I should have known.....I should have
I was falling in love, but I never could admit that thought to myself.
That was my folly
That was my downfall.
When we're young, we're often blind to our faults
Caught between two impossible choices, I made a decision I hope only exist in this universe and not in any other parallel or alternate universes.
I have to hope that somewhere out there, someone did not commit the same folly I did
The road to hell is paved with good intentions
I thought I was doing the right thing in letting you go
But I only ended up causing you pain beyond what I could comprehend
I acted the fool and the coward and I shattered what we were building into pieces
Never to be rebuilt.
Too often we don't appreciate what we have until its gone