The thought of us
was just a dream
just being together just the two of us  
only in my dreams

Having bad dreams again
that seeing you with another girl
makes my heart breaks into pieces
drowning myself with tears

When all of my hopes were dying
his love kept me trying
i do my best to hide
the pain that i've been through
when i cry at night
letting go tonight
a sad state of affairs

Broken into pieces
in my dream lost in the darkness
thinking again about you and me
without the world
just by ourselves
yet in the end it's all just a dream
going through all of it over again

Use the needle and thread to poke holes into my face
To connect the dots, once hollow
Knit that pretty smile on my face
More and more laughs will follow

Dont move my head right and left
Shaking my head no is bad to the crowd
Nod my head yes back and forth
Stitch my lips shut dont wanna be loud

Dont wear this, dont wear that
They'll judge you by your looks
They force you to merge into the perfect image
And strip you of your identity like crooks

You need to be more intelligent
You're a disgrace if you aren't married
If you haven't won medals and trophies
The memory of you is buried

You need a man in your life
You cannot be independent
If you refuse to accept their version of "reality"
You're prone to become emotionally dented

This is what it feels like for us women
We feel like nothing but a liability
So here it is, the horrid truth
About being locked up in the chains of society

A smile or two
Counts not as a few
But a mile long road
Of "you must" and to do's

A picture worth painting
Is just as restraining
As a dog in a cage
Muzzled during training

Amidst the achievers
Are silenced nonbelievers
For those who protest
Are labeled "the deceivers"

A map of success
Is just paper at best
When your heart leaves a void
As it runs from your chest

As the clock tic tocs
Opportunity walks
Now you're stuck with the laughter
That muted its knock

Expectation demands
With transparent commands
Dont find yourself saying
"This is not what I planned"

Sometimes I catch myself feeling--
something strangely indescribable
It's like--no matter the words I use to describe it,
they will never be enough--
to express it to its fullest extent

It's better to just let your body move together with--
the shallow currents of your overflowing emotions

It's better to just let your mind wander--
forever lost in the hollowed echoes of the catacombs

It's better to let your hands be guided--
by the puppet strings visible to only you

But if you keep yourself chained--
all you ever will be is a doll left unnamed

Sometimes I catch myself wondering why--
I seem to hurt myself with--
expectations I will never be able to meet
It hurts, but I just can't stop--
So I keep wondering--
                     Why?
                       Just why?

I get mad at you and it feels like storms brewing inside me
But you are not the cause
Merely an attempt at a sweet remedy
Sit still and wonder.
Know that I miss you and I’m not sure how
Or what to do with these emotions see I haven’t felt
Anything
In quite a while and this, well this is a tsunami when I’d hoped to start with just a
Wave.
Of clarity the storm clouds I wished would clear became stronger because now
Now
I can feel but it means I can feel sadness and regret and hurt and anxiety and missing you.
A lot stronger than
Before.
Know that I love you and what is more than that is that  
I feel that too now.
You make me feel alive but being alive does not just mean happy please
Please
Try and understand the madness and if you cannot please
Try and accept it.
For I want nothing more than to love you with this fire in my belly rather than be angry
Mad
Hurt at words you aren’t saying
Keep me at bay.
Keep me still.
Keep me calm.
You are my remedy
And being away is giving my time to think and see how ******* blessed I am and then
Then
I get mad and how
How can I treat this one this special one like he
Should know me when it’s been months
Of course he doesn’t.
At least he wants to learn.
Learn me each and every crevice in my mind every little loop of despair
And I wonder to myself now;
If I asked him what colour I loved
Would he know the answer?
Being away from you is hard when service means a shoddy good morning text at noon; a photo is a “look where I am today” and a call comes from the ****** phone box that takes my golden coins
But ******* I need your voice more than wealth so
I
Miss
You
And I don’t know how to comprehend it but my instinct is to push you as far away as I can stomach
So I can stop missing you
Quite so much.
So believe me when I say misplaced emotion betrays me and I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m trying  
I love you.
More than you know.

And they tell me
It's gonna be alright
but who are they to assure me?
I mean it's never been their fight

And for all these years I
listened to their tales
on how to be brave
and behave like 'a good kid'.

But I've grown since then and
now I understand
they pushed the buttons
to make me move
the most convenient way
for themselves.