I am alone
I have no point to my life
I mindlessly exist each day
I give no love
I am given no love
I do not eat
I do not drink
I do not cry
I do not laugh
My body always in pain
I can never sleep enough
I filch at the touch of another
I run from speaking with another
I wonder as my mind travels to the abyss
I only think of what could have been
And of a different life
With a different ending than I am heading for

We are a part of everything
And everything is a part of us
Don't sleep
Just dream
Close your eyes when you kiss

If I lived to be a hundred,
Would my existence be already dead?
For living a year
Is but to exist for a hundred.

Those red lips,
forged by MAC
are but only one color
in the endless stream of
existing shades.

There is not a sign on my back saying "kick me".
Therefore there is no invitation to do so.
What about that is so hard to understand?
The world will probably never know.
We let others play their games and
Maybe when they've grown up,
The might feel the same pain they put us through.

lately I’ve been feeling like I live on another plane of existence. I have left my body and I’m watching over myself as I fail at being a functioning person. I take four hour naps every day and don’t wake up until noon and I’m left up at night screaming into the void that I exist because as much as I know that I am alive I don’t feel like I’m existing. or maybe I just don’t want to exist. maybe I’m tired of these day to day tribulations that come with being an adult, maybe I want to exist as a child forever when everything is bright and new and nothing hurts except bruised elbows and scraped knees. maybe I’m being nostalgic for a place that I don’t even know exists. maybe I lost my innocence too early to know what being a child feels like. maybe I lost myself too early to know what being a person feels like.

I was swimming beneath the ocean, the silence providing my comfort, the break acting as my disguise, the waves standing guard
Finally, I was able to think, to really think about the world that was spinning, the time that was ticking, and my heart that was beating
The fish swam past me wondering why I was holding my breath in agony when I could just swim to the surface and breathe again, but they were never going to understand, because time doesn't exist to them.
Time doesn't exist to them
Time doesn't exist to them
Time doesn't exist to them
it all made sense as the water continued taunting me submitting to the current, and the seconds of air remaining in my lungs swam away safely to the surface
The shackles of time are a prison of our own creation, and we waste our lives swimming in our existence trying to unders
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my friends say it's pointless to cry over
that i'm better than that
"**** him"
i just hate this so much
these tears,
so called "pointless"
are present and
undoubtedly existing
i know i'm not too high to mistake
i rub my eyes
i ******* fingers
i know they're real
i'm still fighting it
because i'm "better than that"
but these tears,
they sting
they burn on my cheeks
have i fought it for so long?
but i saw you
with her
and you saw me
then you grabbed her hand
just to let me know
and trust me,
i know
my dad tells me not to regret anything
not to regret the money i spent,
the time i spent,
the love i spent on someone
so foolish
he tells me it's just a lesson
and i'll learn many more
i know i gotta be prepared
i feel like i should be
but i think i'm not
i regret ever telling you everything
i regret my words to you
i regret my hands and how they know you so well
i can still feel you
my hands won't let me forget
your smell is memorized
your laugh is memorized
you're still there, right?
god, i just hope you know
i hope you know she doesn't compare
i could elaborate but i think that says enough
we're all in denial, aren't we?
this is where i say "**** him", right?

What's the difference between existing,
and living?
Which one am I doing?

With blood cascading constantly,
These narrow glim lines under my pale skin,
I question, maybe I'm alive.

That the raging hammer thumping,
The hollow heart in my chest,
Means I am simply existing.

These soft inhales and exhales,
Thick polluted air,
It must mean something.

Though it could be confusion,
Simply too real to be illusion,
Definitely not delusion.
Maybe I've come to a conclusion.
To end my manic mental drive,
Maybe I'll live not to survive.
I think I am alive.