If you see a hawk
on a bough at field's edge
beyond the corner you should have turned
maybe it's a sign to go on.

Such as during an improvisation on
Flamingo or I've Got You Under My Skin
you play in the wrong key or mode completely
maybe it's a sign to go on, in the wrong key.

Or when my sons cry not wanting
to be alone, I'm upstairs writing
or just enjoying trees in every direction
it too may be a sign to go on alone.

I have her between my fingers
she's under my control
yet she is in complete control
she draws me in
tempts me with her smooth skin
her cold silvered skin,
I crave the feeling of
hers against mine
I crave the sharp lick
from the edge of her tongue
drawing beads of scarlet
vermilion lines ladder my flesh
my mind climbs past the clouds
and we share the colours of ecstacy.

slender glimmering being

At the edge of the west and
I'm glowing next to his
assertive soul.

Look up at a Venice sky,
Lord, how did you make someone
so desirable?

I guess my mentality is jump or don't, you can't just stand there on a cliff forever. You either can turn around and walk away or run and jump. And when you hit the water, you can swim and enjoy the ocean for awhile or go find a new cliff to jump from or a new ocean to swim in, if this one doesn't suit you.

The future is unpredictable, why stand on the edge forever debating ever tiny thing and waiting for perfect conditions? Nothing is ever going to be perfect.

(Nobody is going to be perfect.)

And if it doesn't work out, get out, dry yourself off, and try again. But don't stand there waiting for perfection, because no matter what cliff you stand on or what ocean you want to jump in, it will never ever be just right.

The water might be freezing at first, but could you get used to it? Or maybe the water is warm and perfect.
Perhaps it's too choppy, but give it time and the tide will slacken and the water will calm.
Yes, there is the potential that the waves will be too big and try to pull you under, but you can fight and swim out if it's too much.
But there's always the chance you learn to swim and it's beautiful and worth it. Worth the fear of jumping, worth trying to figure out.

But you'll never know for certain if you just stand there. Waiting.

I'm not the type of girl to hesitate on the edge and wait. I either jump or leave. I'm not telling you that you have to jump with me. I don't want to feel like I've made someone do something they don't want to do. But I can't just stand here unsure. I've never been that girl.

I've always either gone after what I want, despite every obstacle in my way, or it's not something I want badly enough and I won't follow through.

And if you're waiting for perfect wife conditions and contemplating the high and low tides and thinking years from now, you're going to be on that cliff for a long time. And you might miss out on some fun waves and warm water. The sun might set and it will be too late. But here's the thing, I just know I won't be waiting around for a long time.

We've had a nice long picnic on this pretty little cliff darling, but now it's time for something different. I'm on the edge and ready to jump. Question is, are you?

I look at your eyes and they
remind me of my despair over
my relationships.

Many days of late, I find myself
truly pondering whether or not I
am cut out to be a human being.

It seems my flaws are too many.
To quote Jesse Lacey, "my bright
is too slight to hold back all my
dark."

I wish, I could write poems about
how I'm getting better, but that
isn't the case. My emotional
life feels like a downward spiral.

I feel like I'm building toward
something. i don't feel I have
any happiness in anything I do.

My default is numb. It's so rare
that I experience happiness anymore.
Something is wrong with me.
Something is wrong with me.
Something is wrong with me.
I don't want to live like this.

I guess at this point in our lives the world looks so much scarier. Especially when you're only a seventeen year old, sitting in high school classrooms, only seeing the world from a tiny photo on our phones.
Then right when you think you're getting a grip on your life they push you out into this whole other part of our universe you never expected you would get to. The grown up part. The getting a job part. The paying taxes part. The finding the perfect person for you part.
Its all thrown at you at once when you're seventeen.
To be honest if you've survived through the 5 years after high school you deserve a ******* trophy.
Because its scary man.

Fire in the sky-
Lights up the dark moon
Take this hand-
and be sure to
let go
Push to the edge
of disaster
Grip to a final
and feeble
string of hope.