Every month that passes
Every year that goes by
I swear I feel less alive
All the bright colours of life
I once laid eyes upon
Are dispersing, with my hopes of living to see the next dawn
So I ask myself each day
Why oh why am i still here?
I think the answer now is clear
Nothing, nothing but fear
There have been many a thought
Plaguing my mind as of late
Do i deserve to rot?
Or to be the subject of hate?
I have rendered hurt
To all those close
And betrayed their careful trust.
By sullying it with dirt
I will kneel at your feet
Take your fist in my face
Show me how i have fallen from grace
On this darkened street
today i stepped outside into the overwhelming sunlight
the first breath since i accepted our end.
content i have been,
proud of my progression towards the state of being 'okay'
and out of nowhere
it flashed into my head,
the one memory of us i haven't shaken.
alone in our bedroom
bill haley blasting out of my record player
our hands entwined, twirling about the room,
eyes locked on each other
and your smile,
the holiest of smiles.
cracked wide to reveal your teeth,
uncontrolled laughter exploding outward
a snapshot in time
what has been,
what will never be
but what was so
if hating me wills you to blossom
i will bear it
if cursing my very existence brings you unbridled happiness
i will take it
it being no such act of selflessness.
my heart hurts
hearing you speak of our love,
warm tears grace my cheek
i dont help
i only have a want for myself.
i dont care
you cry in front of me and i feel nothing.
what is selflessness?
i wish i knew.
hours since you and i spoke, i quiver
the walls scream your name
as they do in my head, i realise
i am the embodiment of your
Tomorrow is our first valentines day apart
And I'd be lying if i said
I didn't miss you at all
I remember every single valentine's we've had
Even the one's we were apart
Where i boasted i was fine
Today most of all it seems that this is hard for me
Because only a fews days ago
You decided you would leave
I'd give anything to have you back
What i wouldn't do to get you back
I wish that you'd come back to me
Maybe then we could pretend
That you and me
Spent the days first three hours not wanting to get out of bed
Couldn't bring myself to sit up
Couldn't bring myself to eat
All i did was lay there and think about yoh and me
And how i wish, god i wish
That I'd been better to you
I wish that I'd been kinder to you
I wish that I'd been sweeter to you
But i know there's no use in wishing
Soon enough I'll be better
I'm trying harder every day
I can only hope that when i am, a greater man
Maybe you'll look me in the eye
And call me your friend
I wish you'd call me your friend
Call me your friend
Call me someone