Now it is seen clear
Though I need view it through a glass
All warmth is now felt through a blanket of darkness
That wet, smelly thing

What once was chance at peace everlasting
Has been played
The table is closed up and with it
That which I held in pocket to tip the fates
My gamble at what was out of reach

I stare at the victors all beaming with pride
As inside a goulash of feelings boils strong
All one wishes not to be stirs inside this *** of pity
For my part, I drink almost in splendor;
gulping and gulping until the disgusting brew tastes better
Better than all the tonics of love and success.

Here am I, so honest and bitter
Unaware of how others court and bet with such skill
I wonder if I shall ever join their ranks
Or continue guzzling this rancid drink
Until my deathbed do I reach.

i awake from dreams of deepest glee
a witness to you not here with me
the vivid dreamscapes of our years past
now in present, a painful contrast

my heart aches from your silhouette
a holy ghost reminder of this debt
****** upon me at age twenty-three
through my mother's tears so plain to see

work comes today so i must behave
and leave behind my depressive cave
for one day far away i will join you
and the rest of my familial crew

this spring again; i transition
like a matter of fact or fiction
all that i was / all i can be
is laid out plainly for me to see

there's choices here
and choices there
decisions to make almost everywhere
which is right, and who is wrong?
all i know is this song:

i wish to be somewhere plain and fair
perhaps a woman with golden hair
a place that i can call my own
what's next? for her to pick up the phone