I'm tired of impressing people, or trying to I mean.
But once I win someone over, I'm bored of them

I was so sad
But now I'm mad
There's nothing that can change that,
This time last year
I held you near
And now I'm staying clear,
Too near, too close
Everytime we touched I froze
By the end of that we lost our clothes,
There was no promise of your heart
I got too close, forgot that part
We didn't want to be apart,
I told you how I felt one day,
You told me that you felt the same
From then it all went up in flame,
You held my face
I felt your grace
"You are enough" you told me,
Looked in my eyes
Kissed me so lightly
The world just stopped around me,
You could chose us
Since then you've hurt me more than once
The choice you made just showed your lies,
It's like I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time will need to pass
For us to be ok at last,
Don't think we'll be ok at all
You've added to my ******* hole
By chosing her to call your home.

Everybody tells you from the moment you're born.
When you grow up, do what you're best at.
But honestly, I could've sworn.
That I never intended to be a brat.

Everybody tells you to keep your dreams real.
To not expect fairytales to be true.
So I always made it a big deal.
To push my dream and pull me through.

Everybody tells you to live your dream.
The bodies I walked over.
Even though I heard them scream.
I closed my ears, I wasn't sober.

Everybody tells you to believe in what you can do.
But what fruits could I ever bring?
What have I ever done for you?
All I could ever be is dissapointing.

I asked you not to read my diary.
I had a right to tell you as it was written by me.
So what if you are my wife?
So what if the society has tied us for life?
That space is mine and only mine,
I would fiercely defend it all the time,
No I wouldn’t let anyone come near it.
But you did and I feel this was full of deceit.
You covered it up by saying I cheated.
You said you wouldn’t have known if not for it.
But what would you get by doing so?
Some pat on you inflated ego?
And do you know what it did to me?
I felt robbed or I would say molested.
Just the same as I felt as a child,
When that man touched me inappropriately,
I trusted him like I trusted you,
But both of you were the same:
Your intentions were convoluted;
And this entire thing left me feeling violated.

You aren't the first to tell me that...
So I'm trying to forgive and forget.
But it's hard.
It's hard when someone you love
Tells you that your feelings aren't reasonable.
Like I don't already know that...
Feelings aren't always about logic and fact.
Sometimes people just feel things.
Sometimes for stupid reasons.
You don't have to understand why.
I just thought you cared enough
To want to make me feel better.
Instead you let me return to my head
And torture myself for hours.
You left me there when I just needed
To be held for a moment.
I just needed to hear
That everything was okay.
I just needed to know
That you still loved me,
And that you didn't want me to be uncomfortable.
I know all that should be a given.
Sometimes a gentle reminder just helps...
And keeps me out of the dark.
I'm trying my best to not be
The anxious, self conscious mess
That I always am.
I want to turn it off...
But I don't always win that fight,
And I'm really sorry...
And I already hate myself enough
Every time I do fail.
I'm trying.
Please don't give up on me too...

humans are complex beings
they can talk,
they can make tools,
and they can do just about
whatever they want
but they are born into a world
of luxuries and disappointments

I got taken aside
told that I had won in life
offered roses as a token.

I never liked roses.