Disappointment is thrown strongly at my direction.
Blame gathers in large quantities like a pest infestation.
"It's your fault" and words like "You always make mistakes" evoke anger.
Anger which I want to take out on myself and take out on others.
I can excel in my work of choice, I know I'm more than average.
The bad gets pointed out more and little praise is given for the good.
Stunned by unmoving words. I'm like a prisoner sentenced to jail, released and expected to do worse.
Destruction emerges from my enraged emotions, i wish your words could offer a solution.
I want to be an alchemist and turn things into gold.
It's ironic how I am a creator of words but cant create better words in my critics.
Conversations lead to arguments because i want to be heard.
I'm sick of revolving doors, sick of being slammed by your atrocious comments.
"You have no common sense" you say to me, maybe I just prefer to be in a daydream, my mind drifting away because life is too dull.
Realize that what you say has an effect and that effect can drive somebody or stop them in motion.
those desperate pokes
The shakey nature
Of made up favors
To Make the devil
Weak in the knees
As he does me,
So what if you suffer
You are but a drop
In an endless sea
No one will notice
When you drop
And you bleed
Just a mixture of rage and pain in threw up when I felt too much and thought my chest was gonna implode.
An angel, fair and pure
Who's heart is fragile and unsecured
Stolen and hurt with no cure
Wounded with hidden clue.
Great pain and sorrow
But tears doesn't follow
Nothing is inside her, a hollow
Now her past follows.
All because of a man
Who she loved and obeyed every command
Gifted him happiness that lasts
Left her with her heart in his hand.
How rude, how unfair
But I give you a dare
Give her eyes a good stare
Then tell me if you ever care...
You can say "how ungrateful he can be?!"
But I tell you, how blind can you be??
If you can't see,
Till this time you read me.
I know that I'm a disappointment.
I've only been told that half a million times.
It's a running joke within the family now.
I know that I get angry at you.
I know I fight with you.
I know I make things hard.
And as much as you don't think so,
I'm trying really hard.
I'm trying to be better.
I'm trying to better myself.
Get my grades up.
And fix myself for you.
But to you,
I'll always be a dissapointment.
You aren't the first to tell me that...
So I'm trying to forgive and forget.
But it's hard.
It's hard when someone you love
Tells you that your feelings aren't reasonable.
Like I don't already know that...
Feelings aren't always about logic and fact.
Sometimes people just feel things.
Sometimes for stupid reasons.
You don't have to understand why.
I just thought you cared enough
To want to make me feel better.
Instead you let me return to my head
And torture myself for hours.
You left me there when I just needed
To be held for a moment.
I just needed to hear
That everything was okay.
I just needed to know
That you still loved me,
And that you didn't want me to be uncomfortable.
I know all that should be a given.
Sometimes a gentle reminder just helps...
And keeps me out of the dark.
I'm trying my best to not be
The anxious, self conscious mess
That I always am.
I want to turn it off...
But I don't always win that fight,
And I'm really sorry...
And I already hate myself enough
Every time I do fail.
Please don't give up on me too...