Lost in time what should have been the best years in a childs life.

Stolen innocence and damaged minds.

Filthy secrets and shame live where I feared.

My childhood not fit for an adult.

No childhood for me, my mind became old and weak on the horrible days of which I don't speak.

Just me slightly taller and a bit aged.

I've been this me since my innocence was stolen away.

I woke up
In a dark place
With four goats around me
Dancing.

The dance was demonic
Satanic
Hallucinogenic
Static.

They moved
Yet stayed in place
They sang demonic tunes
Yet did not open their mouth.

I paniced
Screamed
Shivered
and finally ran.

I kicked one
and it Unfolded
Exploded
Into butterflies.

The other goats burst and shaped
Defaced
Recombobulated
A man.

The man had a mask
of Clay
My fist felt the clay
The clay felt my fist.

The mask
Shattered
Corroded
Disintegrated.

I saw fear
I saw dismay
I saw dread
I saw me.

He spoke
"Pathetic"
"Disgusting"
"I'm you? How cliche?".

I shook
I saw crows
I burst to butterflies
The crows ate me.

I was on the floor
I overdosed
I ****** up
I should do this again.

And the fiery haze came down
All must burn
All must burn
Devoured.
Heart drum rears up
Urges forward
HOW DARE YOU
booming through a body
Amplified by bones and skin
Amplified by jaw set, eyes hardened
Hands clenched, soul rising

A challenge has been met.

its all so mad.
eerie even.
truly knowing what it feels like.
to just.
waste away.
watching as the skin turns white as ash.
hearing bones creak like an old oak ship.
sailing its last league.
All the inner workings clash and mangle about.
seize and burn with every blinkless second.
after all the usefulness is emptied from the tanks.
it is left.
not even taken to a final resting place.
just.
left.
not even forgotten.
and as this ship that once carried many.
formed trust.
never faltered.
is now rotten with decay.
a disease of lasting raw hatred.
transmuting this once renown vessel.
into nothing more.
than a distant memory.

disgust, saddening disgust
let me wrap myself in bandages
and turn my soul to rust
my self-loathing ravages
as i feel lost in my skeleton
i don't want to be changed
and i can't be undone
they call me deranged
for being born wrong
every second is aching
but my song won't be sung
for happiness is not mine for the taking

Of what does it take for you to look at me,
To see me eye-to-eye, and look at me clearly
For just one moment before you turn away with disgust?

You stand me up half-naked with half-assed expectations,
Telling me to open up, to meet you halfway,
But I’ll always be half-faced.
Your furrowed brows
Frame me as the villain,
As if I were the one who caused you all of this misery.
But don’t you know?
When you wrap yourself tightly with your own two arms,
Your claws dig deep into my shoulders
Until the dried blood of a carcass
Crusts around your fingertips,
Until my skin has been lifted from its comfort zone.

Of what does it take for you to look at me,
Before I crash and fall into the pieces of your broken heart
The moment your fist meets glass?

It's just a thing.
An idea.
Washing up on the shores.
Of oblivion.
As the surf presses forth.
Does this enigma grow limbs.
Tearing away from the stream of consciousness there of.
A schism indeed.
For it is hastily trying to retrace what was inevitably.
Washed away.
Gasping.
Fighting for a right to.
Be.
And as it does in all youth.
A plague of indecisive arrogance pollutes the well.
This gyser of melevolant guile.
Spew forth facts.
For living is to conform.
Assimilate.
Render the barcode.
As the sewage of self depletes upon the masses.
Who needs oceans.
When we are all dying to drown.
In ignorance.