Hello, my name is Invisible,
Unseen,
Camouflaged,
Disguised
So well that nobody can see me,
And so completely that
Nobody cares to look.

I do not know where to find happiness anymore
Unable to ignore this burning hole inside
I no linger enjoy activities that once brought pleasure
For unknown reasons my heart won't be satisfied

Stars seem dinner, losing shine
Scatter across the inky dim sky
Many beautiful corpses of suns
Yet each night I watch them drift by

Sick of this unquenchable thirst
Trying to regain joy lost
I'm smiling but inside I'm torn apart
Mouth laughing, but arms are crossed

Put on a mask to disguise my despair
Fell from a blissful staged fantasy
Cartwheeling deeper into uneasiness
My subtle discontentment is challenging to see

The woman I wish I could be is out of reach
I'm convinced it's too late to change my ways
A time once existed when I was proud of my decisions
I am forever yearning to revisit easier days

As I write this verse,
Wish we would just converse.
Because for every minute that passes
if feels like a year, just in reverse

When I look into those eyes,
I feel that smile is nothing but a disguise
and in the end, all it does is agonize
not just me but both our lives.

Roses are seen as perfection, yet all I see is you
Even when I close my eyes, I wish it were not an Adieu
It's like my heart itself is planning a coup
When in reality I really can't have you

As a rose, you may wilt
but my love for you will resist
because forever it will exist
until someday I'm dismissed

there are ladybugs crawling all over my mother’s house
or maybe it’s my stepfather’s house
or my brother and sister’s house
it’s someone’s house, it’s not mine
there are ladybugs scaling the window panes
and upside down, polka-dotted carcasses
lining the kitchen floor
the faucet is dripping
it has been for years
you dream of growing up in a house with a
fireplace in the living room
you forget that you might live there with people who
won’t fix it
they grow cold instead
they throw cardboard boxes over the side of the front porch
and pungent trash bags into a rusting and dented trunk
the basement is unfinished, filled with dead mice
and god knows what else
the washer trembles when it’s off balance
it won’t stop till you rearrange the soaking threads
there’s a yard full of untrodden grass

it looks so large and whole from the outside

but there are holes in the walls
the size of doorknobs and fists

i would really like to go home

I bet you would be so proud of me I found myself again
Under piles of makeup and disgust
Under tank tops to hide the problem areas
Underneath a couple of years of disguise
There I was trying to not forget who I am

Monster dressed like a saint
You said you were sorry
But all I heard was a hiss
As you hugged me with a sad face
Which morphed into wickedness



© Sofia Villagrana 2018