I feel unsure...
Unsure about me
Unsure about you
And ultimately, unsure about us
But then again, I'm unsure about being unsure.
It's an uncomfortable feeling,
Plunging me deeper into my ever-expanding mind
An abyss of permanent midnight.
Us being together invites a lot
A lot of ridicule, difficulty, and stress
That should be enough to keep me from you.
But, nevertheless
I continue to stay
Regardless of all the red flags, problems and parents who press.
Because you are someone who cares
And that's the most important thing to me.
You never fail to impress.
Your loyalty reaches my heart,
And I hope we never part,
In the name of love,
And blue skies above.

As I write this verse,
Wish we would just converse.
Because for every minute that passes
if feels like a year, just in reverse

When I look into those eyes,
I feel that smile is nothing but a disguise
and in the end, all it does is agonize
not just me but both our lives.

Roses are seen as perfection, yet all I see is you
Even when I close my eyes, I wish it were not an Adieu
It's like my heart itself is planning a coup
When in reality I really can't have you

As a rose, you may wilt
but my love for you will resist
because forever it will exist
until someday I'm dismissed

I write.
Not only because you ask me to,
But so I don't lose myself.
So I don't close my eyes.

Monotone colours, blurry sight,
The makings of a clouded mind.
You are the sun I await.
A golden visitor.
But you feel like family,
Regardless of our bond.

You can ring my doorbell anytime,
Knock on my door,
Clap my letterbox,
Knock my knocker.
You can even text me you're outside.
I'll always be waiting, though,
That day may never come.

It's cold outside,
No matter how warm your smile is.
People are attracted to warmth.
You may feel they want you, but alas:
You'll see how swiftly you're out,
The moment your flame flickers.

I'll be your home without four walls,
In a world of ever-changing rules,
With my heart being the open doors,
The colours so grey will return to plain.

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.

I.

The Good Death
    I hear thunder burn and crack against the window panes again tonight,
frightneed by the shapes on my wall
I press my body closer to you -

where are the veins? thumping, still
eternally (as always)

But blood - little sacrifice to a man never afraid,

always naked
always burning
always longing to be a wall and never surrender.

You wear my clothes
   mirror my eyes with silk.

II.

A flash of blonde hair in the darkening hours as the crack
of thunder breaks    against the glass
       “Metaphysical.”

Gabriel  ?
  Something thicker, more permanent.
I see only the shape of your nose cast shadows
against the wall
to swallow the devils fingers
with a smile.

Blonde hair in the sand,
in my sink
broken up by ****** teeth
   and cracked porcelain.

Shaving cream drying on the taps.

III.

The almost platonic revelation that all exists as one
breaks from your lips like water,  

The smell of bleach perforates the boundary between my bathroom and God.

My scalp burns, swelters.

   I realise them as my lips,
for you are simply the shadow
made manifest by forest wire and broken glass

walking barefoot and naked through hell -
I create you.

Come, tell me of how to accompany paradox that
builds us from the ground up

the one and the many
burning bridges in sunlight
to guide us.

Breaking bones in the silence to free us

Do you ever think about me?
Because I think about you.
If I'm honest,
Too much for my own good.
I miss hating the situation I was in
Because I would just get lost in the good times with you.
Life is harder now and you were my escape.
Now I'm losing my mind, losing my heart. I'm losing love.
It was never the same after you.
Now everything is cold and brisk
You kept me warm.
An inferno of bliss

I dream of angels
Blinding brilliance,
A piercing innocence
And wings that leave you in awe.
That's how It always was in my dream.

The heavens would open up with the blare of a million trumpets.
They always did like to make an entrance.
Descending onto this realm like every shooting star you missed as a child.
So many wishes could be made in this moment, but alas.
We are frozen in the sight of perfection.
Ashamed of our own reflection.

I often wonder if it's a sin to want to be one.
We're not perfect. We never can be.
Instead, we house our impurities.
Nurture them, let them thrive.
We're overcome with all things wrong
We can only try to be similar
But who likes similar compared to the real thing?