Dear Diary;
I have concluded that
there is no soul left in me-
maybe I never had one.
All I know is that there are
no dreams and no love
to be desired.

One more kiss,
one more drink,
and I can go home
a happy man.
Oh, if only it were
that simple.

I went to Hell
for Christmas eve
only to return with
something nice
to gift you for
this special
day.

It died when I
no longer felt warmth
in your kiss nor
the spark in your words.
So just bury this beast
we call 'love',
anything else would be inhumane.
Anything more and we’ll die too.

When our
shadows die,
do they bleed
light?

December is just
a month-
so why all the
gloom?

You broke me into millions of little pieces

I am never going to be even close to who I was before

We both tried putting me back together

But I am missing too many to hold my guts inside

It took a lot of
courage to tell you that I
am far from okay

5:10 AM
16/12/19

through hell & through earth
an angel starts to die
to death & from birth
an angel starts to die

so when we can't cry but try
when we can't die but try
it's the price we pay when an angel starts to die

we threw stones at the stars but the sky fell down
cause' when angels die ash hits the ground

and as the darkness fades to black
your soul dissipates; never to return back
she will never love you the way you love her eyes
because ash only falls when an angel starts to die

I’ve been down to this place before
Devouring my flesh like a self-cannibal
Another lap around this body
Swallowing the serpent’s tail.
It hisses just behind me,
Covering every track, I make.
When my inner eye turns to see its trail,
It will be consumed by the snake.

Is my preacher a liar?
Is it in my nature?
Am I no different than the animal?
Are my thoughts even mine at all?
I am not alone in this body,
There’s a stranger here with me.
Making every choice for me,
Dug out of my ancestry.

Muscles expand and contract,
Pulling me further in.
I feel myself dissolving,
The past is the future again.

My own ouroboros.

**** the lights,
Take my eyes.
I don’t want to see,
The serpent that’s swallowing me.

It feels like I’ve done this all before.
Swallowing my tail.

**** death before it is born again.