I left all of my words behind.

Stress chiseled a weakness within me.
As my vessel failed, my mind did too.

Though..

I’m not quite finished.
Not quite drained.
Not yet.
No.

I'm trying to keep you out
But you won't stop pulling me in
Just like a tide in the ocean
But I don't know how to swim
I'm holding tight to the docks
While begging you to stop
I'll keep on tightening my grip
Knowing sometime soon I'm bound to slip

I can't keep holding on
But I don't know how to let go
You can't keep pulling me up
I need to fight these battles on my own

I'm so tired from all of the fighting
My muscles tight and wound
Sometimes it feels like I'm going to snap
I don't know how to stop this from happening

Everything starts to freeze
My lungs are shot
and they've forgot-
ten how to breathe
I'm learning to let go
Not looking for a rescue
heart beat starts to slow
I just want to let go


Feels like I'm breaking...

He is not you.
Not at all.

He doesn't have your eyes,
He doesn't have your laugh,
And he doesn't have your hands.

He isn't you.
Not one bit.

His smile isn't yours;
It doesn't complete me.

His embrace isn't the same as
Yours that would hold me.

He can't be you.
Never.

He tries,
But what's the point?

You can't fix the pain with deceit.
You can't win war without defeat.

He tries,
But what's the use?

You can't heal love with a handshake.
You can't heal love without change.

He isn't you,
He will never be,
He can't be,
He isn't...
                                      You.

We separated
I gathered enough courage
Courage to confess
How I've loved you
For months

You seemed a little bit embarrassed

I was an idiotic parrot, stuttering each line

I cannot help the feeling of defeat afterwards.

My nerve broke when I said I loved you.

You ask me if I’ve tasted defeat
no
I’ve swallowed it whole and the digestion resulted in apprehension to any path I can’t crawl my way through

It’s ironic
the brain travels three thousand miles per minute
even as the body sits as still as Ice Age mountains
so my solution is to taste victory on golden platters in a dream sequence
the pattern is seamless
I’ve learned about suffering but would never teach it
A man like me could never lead, despite the absence of light that follows

but enough about aorta chambers left hollow, tell me of your timeline
what have you tasted
what has life left in your wallet
in your bed side
in your lungs
in your goodbyes
in your smiles
tell me what you know of reality and the singularity, our humble beginnings
tell me anything to distract me from the hours, the minutes, the seconds and every inch of my taste buds.

Please.

When I was fourteen
my sister was teaching me how to drive,
I went to make a left turn and hit the breaks; second guessing myself.
“Never hesitate,” she said,
“it’s when you hesitate that causes a crash.”
“Make a decision and go with it.”
All these years later it still rings true.
All these years later I still have yet to listen.

This illness in my mind is terminal.
There is nothing that can cure it.
It speaks oh so nonsensical.
It’s to be honest, quite hysterical.

Well.
I shot myself in the end
Whilst lamenting in my bathtub.
The hysteria was just too much
For my shattered heart to handle.

The judge declared her​​ the winner.
I whimpered in defeat.
I didn’t even place.
Maybe I’m just not that unique

Or damaged enough for poetry.

The metallic taste of blood
As I drown in senseless grief​
Tells me I’m not good enough.
To get back on my feet.

Her flared trousers tell me.
She has a great sense of style!
My black eyeliner.
It tells others I’m a coward.
A lamb ready for slaughter.
No Baphomet or Muhammad

Just a lost girl.

Locked in a vault of failure.
Being served defeat.
Getting grimaces from the waiter.

It’s th-the illness.
It’s forming cracks in my bonce.
It’s preventing me from winning.
From ever being at the top.

Y’know what?
She may always win.
With her pale moon skin.
Her suction cup stomach.
Her body so thin.

But me?

Just another **** failure, aren't I?
Laying dead in a bathtub.