You chose her
You had me but you chose her

Its been 9 months-
9 months since i last saw you smile at me
since we laughed on the walk home
since u loved me

9 months of trying to understand what I did wrong
What made me so irritated?
Everyone tells me it's your fault.
And I know that but
Why does it still hurt when we brush past each other?

What hurt wasn't you leaving
It was the fact that from that moment on
The only thing that kept me alive
Was gone

You sure had your issues
And I was too much at times
But I was always arround
Even after being stabbed

Im just a man
Made of skin and bones
I might cry sometimes
I'm not made of stone

They say man don't cry
But this girl gets on my nerves
Always pretending to love me
But always gone when he's arround

i feel so sick..

i also feel like
im going completely insane,
thinking things that probably
aren't real.

i feel left out from my friends
like they all hate me or something?

i feel under pressure at school,
like work just keeps stacking up
and it stresses me
more and more.

i can't sleep at night anymore.
so i sleep in and get nothing done --
the work piles up,
and i haven't seen my friends
in five days..

i don't know what to do with myself.

i cry over nothing
over the littlest things,
any miniature mistake
that i make
creates this big dent
in my world.

i feel so insane,
so sick,
so tired,
like everyone is watching
but also not watching.

Shots sound children die
Mothers grieve and fathers cry
I can hear hope sigh

5 letters I wrote.
5 pencils I broke.
5 letters forgotten.
My food is all rotten.
From spending my time staring.
At my pages that I’m tearing.
And I sit here and wonder: why are we alive?
To fulfill this doom where we no longer strive?
Or is it to ponder and question ourselves,
Where no one can help us and no one can delve,
Deep in our lives where we never had help.

And I’ve come here to ask this simple task.
Don’t leave us alone, in this helpless grey zone.
Where writers can’t write, and spirits can’t fight.
And people never forgive things that hurt them.
They spiral into mayhem
They cry out and scream, “How could you do this to us!”
“We’ve tried and we’ve tried, but we feel worthless!”
Then they cry and they cry and I pretend to sympathize.
Why is living so hard?
5 questions I asked, no answers I grasped.
I guess this is how I end.
Or maybe this is how I began.

Occasionally, I feel like,
I’m being buried by a landslide,
So I go into my room and turn off the lights,
Play music to drown out my plights.
Suddenly, I feel a bubbling,
Deep inside my soul.
It’s been bottled up,
My dam isn’t enough,
And I’m about to lose control.

The truth is,
Sometimes I cry.
When I’m tired of bottling it up inside.
A deconstruction of pride,
Fractured fragments left behind.
My dam can’t hold back,
The tsunami that’s on the attack.
Sometimes, it’s overwhelming,
It can feel like I’m drowning,
In a pool of sorrow,
Of my own making.
It’s hard to stop it,
So methodic,
It keeps on coming back.

Pathetic, sympathetic,
It’s difficult to control it.
Cathartic, ironic,
How do people deal with this?
The waterworks are a virus,
That everyone’s contaminated with.
Can’t show weakness,
Got to keep a straight face,
A mask from the pain.
Let the pillow be the bucket for my sorrows.
Let the tears dampen the fabric of the case.
Let my blankets cool me off, calm me down,
And help me change my frown.

Sometimes all we need,
Is an emotional release.
Perhaps, that’s the way,
To inner peace.

And i think I'm a disease
the Kaitlyne-virus
I'm disgusting and I bring pain
I latch on and live off
I'm self-centered
and feed off

Get away from her everyone
friends and family first
she is highly contagious
especially if you're allergic to dust

Only the pain I cause isn't on others
its myself
or so it seems.
I **** poison,
I'm trying to help

Why does no one see that?

I'm a lone floating bacterium
I don't belong here
I should be used to this
or at least see it coming,
but I'm shocked

I'm shocked when they
call me a monster,
taken aback when they can't
even look me in the eye
When they act like they can't love me,
everything I do is a sin
in their eyes,
I hate it when I can't hate them,
cos I love them still. Resent
that they can't love me
shocked that, the first chance they get,
Gulp goes the vaccine

I could end it there, but I
have much more to say. Generally I
ask, why does it have to be this way,
Why are you so quick to get rid of me,
like how you would, if you
got your hands *****,
with ****, no t.p

It's made me question whether
its all my fault. or if I'm delusional.
I mean its happened countless times
it can't be coincidental.
And somehow I never see it coming
like a bird flying into a window
thump, thump, thump
goes my head. I did it again
what a fcking dump