I never meant for it to go this far
That's what I said.
I never thought that I would fall
That's what I claimed.
And yet…

When a man crys for her it is no ruse

It means his heart is broken not bruised

He may struggle silently in plain sight

He may withdrawal from all light

At any time it is for sure, she has has damaged him for ever more

I closed my eyes and spoke to you in a thousand tiny ways.
I loved you so deeply your memory plagues me to this day.
I cant escape these thoughts of why we lost our way.
It was a certainty laid clearly the way it would be.
Then one day to my crushing heartbreak inside of we it was just me.
No words, no it been nice just a box with some things and the remains of my shredded heart.
You destroyed me and tore into my core.
My safe guarded places where I never let any before.
Diagnosed with not long to live, will I ever hear your sweet words or is that just a wish to give.

From far to when we were near I gave my heart.
I thought you were the one, it was clear.
Together my head was in the clouds like a shook snow globe.
Love so unknown, I was blind to what could be took.
Crushing me, uncovered you were a fake.
I gave you my everything and you gave me heart break.
You broke my heart, destroyed me I completely fell apart.
I couldn't of known i would still dream of you, thoughts from the start, tears rushing to my heart break.

Were you the one or one in five?
Is it dead or still alive?
Could I be six or even more?
Could I be ten and you be four?
Did I forget to carry one?
Did I add numbers just for fun?
Or multiply my feelings out?
Or round down when you’d yell and shout?
For I was never good at this.
And all the signs they went amiss.
For every answer every sum,
I can’t erase my only one.

Joanna hurt me
She broke my heart torn apart
Now I am less whole

I thought my heart was dead.
That I couldn’t feel affection for anyone,
not after everything he had done to me.

But then you came into my life,
so suddenly, I couldn’t see it coming.
I didn’t expect to like you.

I told myself I wouldn’t, or couldn’t, care for you.
You aren’t mine.
I don’t even know if you’re interested.

But thank you for reviving a part of myself
I thought I’d never see again.
Even if this is only a crush,

I’m glad my first was on you.

I won’t lie.
Once those eyes met mine,
I imagined.
When I watched you run your hands through your hair multiple times,
I daydreamed.
But when I saw that genuine smile and laugh you gave once I made you laugh,
I fell.

Realistically,
How could I
Ever be close to good enough
For you?

You're kind,
Funny, thoughtful, sweet,
Adorable, caring,
Overall wonderful.

What am I
Compared to you?

- Jay M
September 6th, 2019