Consequence is the Heart of Belief.
Whether a Truth .
Whether a Falsehood.
Whether Virtuous.
Whether Vice.
Conviction alters Reality.

Human existence is a stream of consequence.
Flowing through ebbs of Right and Wrong.
Of Heavy currents of deceit, which overflow the banks.
And pools of Stillness, in stagnant paradigms.

This Race of Fact and Fiction rampages.
The Powerful and the Hungry.
The Weak and the Proud.
All caught in the Tides of Creed.
An Undertow which swallows all.
Indiscriminate in its Finality.

one. my brother is in love with a girl.

two. my mom saw me reading peculiar books she asked me what was the story about. i just laughed and told her, ‘you know just the usual.’ she doesn’t know.

three. it was when i lied to my mother about school.

four. i cried myself to sleep.

five. i forgot to brush my teeth. it’s not that i’m unhygienic but when your body is too tired to live, it’s just too difficult to move.

six. i decided not to throw a birthday party when i was
6 years old. it’s not that we can’t afford it, but
i know that no one would show up except for that
boy with the weird hair and imperfect teeth.

seven.  it’s my third day in bed.

eight. i tried cutting myself. i tried but i’m too tired
to move.

nine. i’m so angry. i’m so ******* angry. i’m so *******
angry.

ten. it was when the funniest kid started to cry.
he didn’t said why. he remained like that for god
knows how long. that was when i knew that sadness
lives in every single one of us.

eleven. a few of my friends cut themselves to calmness. i
just watch them get eaten by the lines they drew.

twelve. i regret saying that.

thirteen. but i said it anyway.

fourteen. i’m too in love with the idea that someone better
will come, turns out that each person is the right
person. we just live in a timeline where they never
are.

fifteen i looked through a keyhole and saw my parents’
corpse.

sixteeni need someone. not the suicide hotline. i need
someone real. i need someone. i need someone. i
need someone. i ******* need someone.

seventeen. i’m falling in love with someone whose heart beats
fast for everybody except for me.

eighteen. i'm in a birthday party. everybody's laughing because someone made a joke about god. i left.

I feel an uncertainty when it comes to you.
Not because you want to do something that will destroy what we have between us,
but because you want to hurt me.
I clearly see what actions you do,
and I ask myself why you do it?

I'm afraid you will continue doing that.
That thing I clearly see you do.
I understand why you do it,
and I understand you never mean to hurt me,
but I'm afraid you'll do it anyway.
Because regardless of whether I'm sure why you do it,
and that I'm sure you never mean anything bad,
it hurts anyway.
That you want to hurt me,
hurts.

I'm here for you.
Here to fulfill what you want.
Your needs.
If you feel inferior,
I'm still here.
Here to fulfill what you want,
your needs.
I would never leave you if you felt inferior.
But you wish me pain either way.
Make me feel what you feel.
Make me feel inferior.
And I'm afraid you'll do it again.
Show that you are better than me in some way.
Make me unsure of myself.
Doubt myself.
Even though I see it clearly.
Your actions.
Your result.

I'm left thinking and thinking:
why would you do something like that to make me feel inferior?
To make me unsure of myself?
To make me doubt myself?
When I am here for you.
Here to fulfill what you want,
fulfill your need.

There's a difference between results and consequences.

Time,
such an unforgiving venture that grasp the focus of all wandering humans.
Making us quiver with fear and desperately longing for a glimpse of the vision behind the timely creatures’ eyes.
Taking everything we give out as relying sustenance.
Feasting on every action we execute on our day to day to give birth to freshly constructed seedlings.
Soon will they sprout to become awaiting experiences to mortal souls, and of course not all are roses.

Karma some might call it,
God’s wrath even.
But in all truth, it’s our own handling.
We nurtured the creature and handfed it our deeds that have led to our own naturally calculated fates.
So yes, be careful of how your hand swings.
Think twice of which way you sway, where you lay and think to say.
For your present actions are the source from which the creature nourishes itself
to give life to tomorrows unwritten day.

the ****** grieves ******
for the feeling of total abandonment
before discovering how not
to abandon herself
the alcoholic  grieves Burbon
for the bitter sweet
for how it made him feel
before the hangover
the gout,  sclerosis
the love ****** grieves the innocence
the dream, fairy tales, the endorphins
before enough was never enough
the *** addict grieves for another
and another
before the clap, syphilis, despair
before too little became too much
the gambler grieves the green
the shiny stuff at the slot machine
before the house was gone
woman gone, reason gone
smug gone
the crone grieves for youthful ignorance
awe, suspense, naivety, anticipation
before the burn, betrayal, fact
wisdom
the dying grieve for life
energy, breath, the past
before the unknown, surrender
the letting go
the letting go
that's how it goes

it,
within me
sings
the door
the beckoning

i'm afraid
to look inside

i may just find
no thing alive

by consequence
by design

by my burdens
i'm defined

by my curses
i'm refined

my consequence
my design