I have a secret obsession,
Which I could never admit.
It's like an unheard question,
That'll be forgotten to infinite

I have a secret obsession,
Like kids obsess over growing up
And adults over perfection;
Chasing dreams that never stop.

I have a secret obsession,
You'll never guess what it is;
But I'm guessing I could only give you this:
You're the truth I can not mention, due to my secret obsession.

When you were born, oh my dear,
No doctor—no midwife predicted,
But, oh my dear, you've been a granny,
All throughout, all throughout.

When I first saw you,
I wanted to take you home,
Adorable, lovable, and pure
I really did want to kidnap you.

Why, you ask me...
Look at yourself,
Those pure eyes,
That cute face,
And that cuddly body.

I saw you in 2024,
And you were 24 years old,
I realised you're a 24-year-old grandma.
No fun, no bun, no run.

Oh, Teddy, I so wish...
I hope that you realised it...
Your words hurt me...
How you compared hurt me...

You generalised my trauma,
How could you compare?
You said, "Disabled people even clear UPSC-CSE,"
But you didn't stop there,
And you kept misbehaving...

If you never wanted to marry me,
You could've simply told your mom.

Off and on,
Undying spirit,
Not of positivity,
But of vengeance.

You never actually apologised,
So, I never forgave,
But it's hard,
Yes, it's so hard,
Hard to forget what we forged.

I had seen a world in your eyes,
In my mind, I had seen a future,
A future where you are with me,
A future where I train you, honey.

But why did we separate out?
C'mon now, tell me, why did we?
Couldn't you just be mine?
I wanted to live with you.

What was the need for separation?
I'm perplexed by how things went.
It was so right initially, the elation.
Why did the things prematurely end?

look at her, they say.
so polite and hardworking.
I reply with an okay-
and try to be like her.

look at her smiling on the stage, they say.
shining with a grade 8 in piano.
I reply with an okay-
and mold myself into someone they'll like.

look at her grades, they say.
getting top marks in every subject possible.
I reply with an okay-
but I'll always be inferior.

and they say, that's just how life works. </3

You get up every morning
Without any idea how things would go
You have thoughts that are conflicting
Asking for answers you still don't know

Then you slowly start your day
With a cup of coffee and some music to take the sleepiness away
You open your phone and scroll through the news feed
Seeing tons of things you don't actually need

You see how good the life of other people are
Then all of a sudden, you compare your life with theirs
You feel sad and think that you are not living a good life
Then little by little, tears form in your eyes

My friend, please don't get me wrong
But your life might be great already
You just can't see it
Because you're focused on someone else's

Everyone that has ever said that they love me
All those who've mentioned that I'm their one and only
That their desire is to be with me, hand in hand for our eternity
All those who've told me that they care about me deeply
But have otherwise only ever proven to be phony
Compassion is something never aloud to me
History is rewritten by present and past company
Because when it comes down to the nitty gritty
I'm just a stepping stone obviously
I mean hell, just look at my track record then back at me
Don't even need a degree in forensic diplomacy
Actions speak loudly
Leaving me stuck in an unwanted and completely unnecessary purgatory
But no one cares about a no guts, no glory type story
No one cares how their actions have affected my energy
Turning me, molding me into the evil reflection that won't stop staring back at me
All sides have proven extensively that I am unworthy of being wanted, forget loving unconditionally
All I've ever wanted was to be somebody's somebody
But everybody says the same thing to me openly
No friendly faces and behind their smiles is a judgement and verdict of guilty
So I struggle with the fact that somehow they all agree
If the problem isn't me it at least resides in me
I've got a penny, two maybe,
We'll find the appropriate line to walk eventually
I just hope there'll be someone left standing next to me
Because an eternity is a long time to spend lonely

©2024

I do this to myself
Accept fights I could never win

Search for ways to disprove
What I've sought all of my days

Hurl myself into the ring
A luchador with something to prove

The fight rages on
And I lose my will

In fear and self doubt
I sabotage my win

Allowing the opponent that is my mind
To deliver that last fateful blow