The child inside is terrified
Misshapen intent
Quick to doubt
An injustice
Afraid to feel
A silent crime
Killing her mind
Stop wasting her time
Love and understanding
Vital to her fragile existence

There is a child
Who follows everywhere I go.
Late at night I hear him crying,
Yet my family stirs not.

When he cries,
I’m bound in a straightjacket,
stitched with silence
and the things I don’t know how to say.

I tell him to stop,
But he never listens.
So I muffle his sobs with a pillow
And hide him beneath my blanket

Sometimes he comes out during the day
Wailing for all the world to hear.
I tape his mouth shut
And wait until his tears won't be seen

Mama told me we're just playing hide and seek
with men pretending they're police. I love to play
hide and seek. Don't you too?

We are hiding in my neighbour's closet and
I'm giggling. My mama holds her hand over
both our mouths. I and my

mama sit together quietly but I
am hearing grown-ups yell outside. I ask my
Mama why? No reply.

Then I heard a man and mama's face was ice.
He sounded very angry and he asked me where
we are hid. Then I jumped,

yelled at him: peekaboo!

Now it's my story – and others – you read on the news,
hidden by the oversaturated, gold photo
of the front-man; my miserable life made by him

dressed you for the rain
now this snow pelting pain
aww kid ! bad forecast

I wish I could just play,
the emotions I feel
that are on display
I've always been this way.

Bumping,
peeling
orange peel
I sat until I apologized,
3 times in kindergarten.
Her head was throbbing,
but I didn't meant it
but still, I could see the pain,
just before it rained,
I apologized the third time.

And yet, I didn't learn the lesson,
when I had a heavy drinking session,
I said the worse to a 12 year old girl,
when she attacked and mocked my world.

You should never verbally abuse
a 12 year old kid, no excuse.
I felt so sick the next day,
but my  poison still remained

I'm now free of the abuse,
trying hard to resist,
the drugs that I am on
Gives me poetry to persist,
but I still stand accused
Can't feel any bliss
Not worthy of God's son.
Though no more alcoholism,
I will wind up walking dead,
or hurting those, I love everyone.

somewhere in the black,
my hand is outreached,
searching in that darkness.
pulling out one by one,
an item from my secret drawer.
i’m not sure what i’m looking for,
but i know when i feel it—
its smooth edges or distinct texture—
i’ll know that i found it.
i found it once,
so i know i’ll recognize it,
but the truth is,
i’m not sure if it’s still there.
did i return it to its place?
should i turn on the light?
i’m afraid that seeing all its contents
might distract me from my goal.
you helped me find it once,
but now, i don’t have you.
i’m on my own, all alone,
to again find my missing peace.

I call you up to hear your voice                                                            ­                                                  
I know it's lame; I have no choice                                                    
   Now what am I supposed to do?                                                              ­                                              
   It's all that I have left of you                                                              ­                                                   
 I know that it has been years                                                            ­                                                  
  But despite crying many tears                                                            ­                                                  
  They've never stopped or healed                                                           ­                                           
  My broken heart & how it feels                                                            ­                                                  
  Since the day you didn't come home                                                             ­                                                
  I 've left your voicemail on the phone                                                            ­                                                                 ­       
Your things are how they were left                                                             ­                                                     
I haven't changed anything yet                                                              ­                                                   
    I just can't bring myself around                                                           ­                                               
 To the fact that you're in the ground                                                           ­                                       
Because I can feel you here with me                                                               ­                                              
 Exactly where I need you to be                                                               ­                                                     
   I have all the pictures you made                                                             ­                                                 
Been on the frig since second grade                                                            ­                                                  
   It's like you never went away                                                             ­                                           
  And I need it to stay that way                                                              ­                                         
 Your clothing still smells like you                                                              ­                                                   
I can't even clean your room                                                             ­                                                 
    I open the window each day                                                              ­                                               
 So, you can come in & play                                                             ­                                                 
  I still long to see your face                                                             ­                                                  
 I wish I could take your place                                                            ­                                              
  So young & carefree of heart                                                            ­                                                
Your passing tore me apart                                                            ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                    
It's something I can't accept                                                                      ­                                         Perhaps until my own death