I had always been in a relationship, so being alone wasn’t something I was used to.. when I wasn't with someone
I became the one thing I realized that I feared the most........  ALONE
I had always chased love, not because I always found the person to be irresistible or appealing, but because I didn’t want to be alone.
I sacrificed what I really wanted because of my subconscious fear of facing life without someone.
It’s those defining moments in life that changes  not only you, they can change your entire future as well.
I never had to face myself because I was wrapped up in someone else all the time..
And now, as I looked in the mirror, I realized that I didn’t know the woman staring back at me..
At least not in the way I should.
Sure, I knew the basics of what I liked and didn’t like, but I didn’t really know the answers to all the hard questions.
I knew who I was..but only through the eyes of others- not because I knew and loved myself.
What made me truly happy?
Where was my joy?
Did I do the things that filled up my soul?
I had spent all my time and energy on other people instead of focusing on me.
A single tear welled up and rolled down my cheek as I stared in the mirror.
I had never truly loved and found myself because I was busy trying to love people that didn’t deserve me..
And more importantly, I would never be able to accept real and lasting love until I learned to love myself first.
It’s a hard place to be when you finally understand that you’ve neglected your own self love and happiness for so long..
But that stops now.
I’m tired of choosing love because I’m lonely..
No, I want love to choose me because I’m happy..and because it’s what I want.
That they are who I want, not just who I’m settling for to not be alone.
No more dead end men and kissing frogs that pretend to be princess just because I’m scared to be alone.
No, I’m going to chase a different kind of love now..
The type that won’t let me down, that’ll always be there and will always be worth it in the end.
The kind of love that is genuine, passionate and respectful- one that I’m proud to call my own.
I’m going to spend my days making my heart happy and my nights fulfilling my soul.
It’s time I changed my life..most of all, starting with me.
I’m going to do more than fall in love with being alive..
I’m going to fall in love with the person that I should have loved a long time ago..
The best love story of all: with myself.
That’s the happily ever after I’ve always deserved..
And now, I got this..
I don’t know where I’m going or how to get there, but I’ll find my way-
One step at a time.
❤❤❤

Plans change,
It’s nothing strange.

People come,
Then they leave.

Like a carousel,
or a revolving door,

The ones we loved
come and go as
they please.

There’s no need
to worry, no need
to be torn.

It’s just that

We outgrew the
ones we thought
we knew,

And only holding on
to a select few.

It’s nothing we
did,

It’s not what we
chose.

It’s just the
realization

that part of
growing up

is finding who
we are too.

It’s time
I’ve been activated
Systems coming online
Nerves buzzing
Electric fingernails
Prickle the scalp

This morning
Was the last of its kind
The wheel of change turns
Revealing a strange  new dawn
Nothing will ever
Be The same

As I take a reluctant step
Outside the endless circle
That is our one sided love story,
I can see that you were never
Running the race alongside me.
The circle drawn by only
My footsteps. Dragging, tired
And restless round the same
Old road is dusty and old.
As I pull my heavy heart
Outside the reach of your radar,
Which has ****** me back
With magnet force each time I’ve
Left before.
I see that though you and you alone
Have been the driving source
Of all my life for nearly 2 years now,
You are just fine without me.
The circle was mine alone.

Ready am I, to make sacrifices for true love
For as long as I live
Spend less money, I can
Reduce my screen time, I can
Travel less, I can
Eat less sweet items, I can
Sleep less, maybe I can
Write less, maybe I can
However, there are certain things
On which I cannot compromise
Because I hate breaking promises
For me, is keeping my word everything!
For example, never can I change my character
After all, my principles are my anchors
Change my world views, I cannot
Show less love or affection, I cannot
Give up meat, I cannot
Stop travelling by train, I cannot
Compromise on my relationships with family or friends, I cannot
Irrespective of the gender
Because they are my bread and butter!!

Ready am I, to make sacrifices for true love
A lot, am I ready to give
My precious time, yes
My precious money, yes
My precious energy, yes
More confident, can I be
More assertive, can I be
More courageous, can I be
Smarter, can I be
Fitter, can I be
Humbler, can I be
More forgiving, can I be
Less hot-headed, can I be
Less stubborn, can I be
Less insecure, can I be
Less shy, can I be
However, the most important thing is to strike a balance
Find that middle path
Avoid extremes as far as possible
And last but not the least
It needs to be worth it!!

You were my favourite smell for a while.
I inhaled you like you were the nicotine I so desperately needed to stay sane.
I came close to your body to smell the summer breeze, to feel like I am once again a free child walking along the shore.

On a sad afternoon, I spend the whole day browsing the drugstore, searching for a perfume that would even slightly resemble you. I can’t find it.
The next day, I smell something rotten. Something must have turned sour.
I turn around to see what it is. It was you.