I CAN'T FIND WHAT ONCE MADE ME WANT TO WRITE
It was an inspiration that just whirled up out of thin air, went through my ears, and bam!
There it was, a beautiful piece of sadness describing the most tragic heartbreak anyone could image out of just one simple thought of agony.
I had this lighting speed of easiness, the words came so rapidly, I was screaming in the quietest form.
Now I skip to all sides of the conversation, to each bulletpoint in the topic, and my second guessing makes me write maybe too many times.
I want to write each letter with a dignity and a form I didn't erase.
The words will have already wrote themselves without a re-reading to know if it makes sense.
For ***** sake, no more lists.
I want a story of what has been forgotten by my finger tips.

My heart hasn't been hurting, i've spent all this time healing.
The blood doesn't pool onto the floor anymore and there are no more risks at dieing in the hands of oneself
So is that the reason why poetry is no longer a language I speak?
I thought I was fluent.

A cage made of bars
Not of steel
Nor of iron
But of the past

Where I dwell and think
I want to leave
And move on
But I stay trapped

It seems so simple
To just get up
And push open the door
So why don't I?

I was watching a reportage about the strong possibility of a war between Iraq and Kurdistani Kirkuk.  I don't consider myself a political person, neither politically aware nor politically active.  But sometimes, I'm moved on a deep level at the futility of and process leading up to war.  This is one of those moments.  I went directly to the computer.

        You Can’t Have A War

You can’t have a war

Unless you have weapons;

You can’t have those weapons

Unless you have industries;

Can’t have an industry earning no money -

And money means profit,

For who runs an industry

That doesn’t profit -

Profit the carrot.



Weapons-to-profit:

The distance is multi- or many small instances

Building the one upon other,

Easy to disregard,

Turn a blind eye to.



Oil or real estate,

Access to coast,

Minerals, labor:

Possession and use.

Passions’ abuse

And war is the certainty.



It’s terribly sad,

This fighting for terra;

A sickening error

Pretending it’s doctrine or canon or righteousness.

Overruled, conscience.



You can’t have a war,

Restrain it,

Unless there’s this chain of re-action,

Everyone playing his part.

It’s breaking my heart.

Ain’t it yours?



You Can’t Have A War 10.14.2017

War Book II; Our Times, Our Culture II;

Arlene Corwin

when i am craving
something to keep my mind off
you are always
in my space

when i am craving
nightmares instead
of waking up at all
you are always
in my eyes

tears fail to come
keep me company
these storms are every day
counting on me
when i am craving you

when i am craving
careless to say
anything
for myself
i forget for a while
how to feel at all

when i am craving
being alone again
i am carrying
the weight of you

i thought the sky cleared
out from my eyes
monsoons still passing by
under different roofs

did i omit to say
i dreamt of you?

I wish I knew how to feel ten times bigger than myself
but I get so lost in the swarm that is me, that is inside of me
this being and entity that I am sometimes too out of touch with
and sometimes I can't separate myself from
I need to feel you, I need to feel that you feel me and I need to know that you see me
but I can't even see myself
can't even fix myself

I get so lost in the sadness that comes from constant failure and I lose touch with all the love that surrounds me
animals who loves me, the man who loves me

I want a man who tells me he needs his girl
you always need your girl
I love you so much
I love you so much for wanting me
I feel like you love me despite of who I am, how I am, who I am, how I am....
what separates my actions from who I am as a person, as a partner?

I may forget everything else, but I will never forget my love for you
I will never forget the pain that comes from just the thought of losing you
I want this to work, I want to work, I want to make this work
I can't' lose myself, but I myself am lost
I can't lose this, I can't lose you
what am I to do?
Where will we be in ten years time, will we love each other still or will our frustrations stopped our hearts from feeling the love despite what we are together?
I want you to love me for who I am, I need you to love me for who I am
not despite who I am...
I need to love me for who I am
not despite who I am