Your love was suffocating.

Your hands would contort my body,
Making my flesh pulsate and spine tingle with each grasp.

Your fingers left marks on my skin like blotches of blush on a flushed face. Colors hidden under dull sweaters, my fingertips found them throughout the day to remind me of those secrets you've harshly whispered in the dark.

Your voice was sharp,
for even when you were quiet I could hear its power in your eyes. One look in my direction and I felt frozen. Your eyes were a warm brown but they turned my blood cold.

Your love was so suffocating,
it killed me.

my body had too many bruises
after loving you.
saltwater soaked scars
and red soaked into my bedroom floor.
i struggled to make my blood look pretty for you,
as it marked streams of crimson down my body.
you said my bruises looked like constellations
you called them beautiful
compared them to the cosmos

i just thought they were different.
something you can't always see,
but always crave to.
i said: “the stars are collapsing. can’t you hear?”
you placed your hand on mine and spoke,
their screams are why i sleep with the window locked shut each night.
their screams are why

i've kept you locked inside.

and i am not sorry for that.

Mommy left when I was young
But daddy never cared
And I don't know what's worse of the two evils
Because daddy let my skin bloom in violet stains
But mommy...well I guess mommy was mentally deranged
I learned from a young age
That I'm the only one I got
So if you thought
I needed you
I don't because I've fought
For my spot
With everything that I got
And you're not the only one who's lies I bought
But I've learned
Trust is earned
And I'll never give it away again
countless times I've been burned
I'm exhausted
From everything it's costed
I'm done
You've won

The hickeys faded as the bruises began appearing
As if we find the bruises on each other more beautiful
Maybe we're meant to be together so that we don't hurt anybody else

She gave you bruises
Bruises that won't heal
But you don't blame her
Because you loved her so much

So everytime you feel sad and
Miss her more than ever
You begin to scratch them up
And watch them bleed

Just to feel the pain again
The pain feels so real
That's exactly what you want
Feelings that are real

It was in that one second between her falling down and getting up that she made the decision to never let herself get that low again.

Bruises vivid in her pale skin.
Blood actively pouring from her nose every other day.
Anxiety and fear running through her veins around every turn.

Fairytales never show you what happens after the honeymoon phase.
They don't show you what happens when the prince lets go of his cool composure and just wants to beat the **** out of you.

He didn't need alcohol.
He didn't need drugs.
He liked the adrenaline he likes the feeling of prey and predator.

In between that one second of falling down and getting back up she made the best decision of her life.

To switch the roles of predator & prey.

if you were right,
and i was wrong,
i swear to you,
i'd write a song,
before  our love,
went,
to ****,
just goes to show,
emotional,
is not the best to describe a fist..
no,
so here it goes,
i'll soften the blow,
just so you know,
i've let it go,
and i see your
smiling face once again,

but oh,
you let me cry it out,
you stayed up in your head to pout,
you claim the bruises on your brain,
were from me,
and not the rain,
that falls with tears,
i must admit it,
as it appears,


you still blame me.

Don't tell me to get in the shower "It'll make you feel better,"
When you are the one who caused the bruises,
the internal ache,
the tears stained on my face,
the nightmares when I close my eyes,
and the PTSD everybody thinks is a lie.