to my perfect stranger;

your voice still reverberates
through the cavities of my head,
but i’d rather have you here,
soft words in my ears instead.

i miss your chestnut eyes,
the way they interlocked with mine,
your tousled brown hair shining
as the stars above us seemed to align.

now, while you govern my thoughts,
every word we spoke on constant replay,
i work to memorize your each and every flaw,
for they’ll begin to fade; one by one, day by day.

soon you will cease to exist to me,
your presence now a thought i’d beg to run into.
your touch will soon be washed clear off my skin,
yet when i’m alone, i’ll open my arms to the ghost of you.

there will be countless days and weeks
where your voice doesn’t tiptoe up my spine,
where our memories never try to board my train of thought,
yet when i’m feeling dismal, i’ll remember that you once were mine.

you’ve shown me the beauty in anonymity,
the simplicity of two lonely souls breathing in time.
you’re still a beautiful stranger to me,
your name, your story, a set of words; unable to rhyme.

when my tidal wave of thoughts begins to calm,
your youthful giggle sends ripples through the waters,
remembering how serendipitous you were to me,
for maybe you and i would’ve bonded had the water been hotter.

i find myself doubting the truth in your existence,
for your being is simply beginning to blur.
you were a god-sent blessing to me,
an unexpected summer storm that i never dreamed could occur.

you left your mark on my forehead,
a moment keeping eyes from staying dry,
yet we only said “goodnight”,
never gracing each other with a fateful “goodbye”.

i know that years from now i’ll look back,
remembering bits and piece of my adolescent days,
your name will shine through the cracks in my brain,
i’ll save you then, for in my heart you will stay.

but now for the benefit of my own well being,
your space in my head prepares to greatly decrease.
you’ve slipped through my fingertips like endless sun-tinted beaches,
yet i will always crave you when they day time does cease.

A little sky is changing,
Tinge of grey on blue,
But the clouds are on my mind, now,
I leave the storm to you.
A little sky may thrash and fight,
And your boat may toss and tip,
But the sun must rise over all bad nights,
And so we'll right the ship.

We had a giant ship where we'd go for short boat rides. We'd throw out the anchor that kept time in the middle of the ocean and see the moon up ahead. Sometimes we made love and other times we enjoyed each other's company. And sometimes both. There was laughing and crying because knowing the ride was short, it made it all the more worth it. I always had to leave, I was always the first one and it crushed me. I didn't know what it did to you though. And now you were the first to leave this time. I know what it feels like. I wish I could stray away on that boat and float through the entire ocean just to find you because I hope you come back. I want to throw away the anchor to get rid of time. I want to know what it's like to fly because there's a hole in this boat that's slowly sinking and I don't know how to swim. The crack in the boat so far is only a crack. Where you could only hear a slow drip and sometimes it flows faster than others. That's when I get scared but I only have to breathe. You said you'd come back so I'm going to find tape or maybe some putty to fix the cracks. I'll clumsily fix the boat and throw the anchor away. An infinate amount of ocean surrounds me but there's only one anchor. I'll leave it right where we were so you know where to find me. But if I'm not back by the time you find it again, wait for me there so you can see me with wings.

If in nothing
   then in all
Must I sin
   to be saved
Must I wrong
   to be absolved

Forgiveness comes
   at such a cost
Must I pierce the heart
   to come in lost

In the darkness
   in the light
In the confusion
   of the night

You can call it incoherent
   incompetence
You can call it a
   deterrence
  
Just don't call it a
****** innocence

Tentacles twist breaking bow and mast.
Clinging and clinching to the once mighty vessel.
A ship once prized by the Navy
Now prized as a partner for the sea beast.
Each serpentine tentacle tightens,
Around wooden board, and cast iron fastener.
Creaking and cracking the boat dances as the beast leads.
Waves crazed as they are whipped to frenzy,
Matching the mammoth's rhythms.
They struggle to keep the beast contained.
White caps covering the beasts murderous desire.
The ship is his, and as dances do,
This one ends in a flourish.
Cracking crosstrees and foremast,
Collapsing the gangways,
Sails still whipping as the dancer's dress is ravaged.
And as quickly as it began
It stops.
The monster sinks back from where his strike began.
The tired vessel following quickly after.
The water forgets its rhythm and steps.

Commitment unanchored, floating unchanged
Love forever escaping, like I'm dutifully chained
Immersed in excuses, Emoting motives i motion
Bound by fears of thoughts From the depths of this ocean
No Tredding but sinking into self made regrets tied
And blindfolded To this mast of my lies
"No it doesn't matter"
"I'll find someone someday"
"Someone will love me I gather"
"I'm all right, the pain, it fades away"

They say before making rash decisions
One should count to three
Well once, I almost touched it
Twice it was within grasp
Third time the charm of my broken heart slipped out of sight
I am loves whirlpool

You pushed me off of a boat
And watched me.
You watched me drown.


- Eleanor

I fear the ocean.
Fear the lack of life
Fear the unknown sameness below
Fear for myself, you see I've
Given up on having company
I'll sail alone for a while
But I'll need water sometime
Even though there's water for miles.

Someone come aboard then.
It's awfully lonely here.
It's hard to sail alone you see
And I haven't gotten over my fear,
Fear of sinking some day
Fear of waking up dead.
When the ocean finally swallows me
And overtakes the resistance in my head.

Until then I'll resist.
I'll hold out for my crew.
Someday we'll sail together.
Just.... Me and you.
Yes we'll set sail for places
That we've never seen before.
So come aboard my friend,
There's life on that distant shore.

disease set up a limits,
all over crossing lines,
shark darkness pushing spirits,
forbid the Future bright,

when sources dried up cleaned,
when finish seemed arrived,
and body doesnt listen,
an orders stretching mind,

have lived ones life already?
have lived ones world they say?
all bettings leaving steady,
ones boat drown away?

this all regrets and sorrows -
will follow for the fate,
but yesterday, tomorrow,
all over Futures days -

fight back, combat an illness,
show up Your shining light,

couse constancy existence -
rulls only sleepers kind.